A Super Mario Thing - Plot and cutscenes

[Kil]

My point is that it cuts of so rapidly after she said that. 'Now where am I' is good to end with, but what happens next? Is she slowly floating down, or falling? I know it's not possible to show her falling in cutscenes, but her realizing that she IS about to fall would do the trick.

I agree.

Also I rather like what's been done so I'm voting against a silent protagonist.

[Chdata]

Now that we seem to be using the teleporter idea, it supports my idea for a "boss room" with a teleporter to each of the bosses you faced before. (Unless we'd have to recreate the bosses to make you return but maybe someone could do something)
It could be something like, oh hey here's a bunch of teleporters maybe I can get home.... arrg nope.

Who knows maybe it could be a Charlie's Castle thing. Except if I make a level for the castle I'm not doing this, I have a cooler idea sort of.

[prsnth1111]

Have we reconciled having a new character with the title "A Super Mario Thing" yet?

[Blinx]

I dunno... to me the title screen is perfect. It's so simplistic and bizarre yet sophisticated and meaningful. To me, anyway. I could just be an idiot. But yeah the letters need to have a better font IMO.
I feel that the whole "cutscene" party seems so serious that it's... oh, what's the word?... corny? cheesy? lame? It's just that it seems too serious. It feels like you tried to hard. Seriously now, for an internet rom hack of a game made by some random guys, it's too drawn out. That's the thing with me. When you start putting in some super long WOWZORS story, it becomes less like Super mario world and more like shoving some big-O story onto a cheerful platformer. Sure, a compelling story can make a game, but for a silly game where you hop on turtles? I think a few simple texts like the following could work just as well.

"Get me vegetables."
"OK."
"OH SHIT, teleporter screwed up."
End of story.

When you stat getting a 4 minute story I just lose interest and start wondering "Why am I reading text and not playing mario?"




Just my thoughts.

[kilon]

Just my thoughts.

And you're allowed to have them.

But isn't it cool that a random hack has such a deep story? (although it's not even that deep)
It surely wouldn't be expected and thus it is random and thus it fits in perfectly.
Besides a better story makes higher quality.

[Kil]

I like the cutscenes. I never see them in hacks, so it will make this hack stand out more.

[Chdata]

1-up for cutscening! Except that background at the start has cutoff Yoshi's if I remembered that right. And "Get me as much vegetables as you can" It'd be better if much became "many" Or you made it say "Get me as much of those vegetables as possible". That much just sounds much to odd to me. Munch Munch Munch.

[flameofdoubt]

i am all for having cutscenes, but i think that the intro cutscene so far has farrrrr too much exposition, and the charachters talk like they're in an old sitcom. i keep expecting them to wink at the screen or pause for laughter from the audience.

The intro cutscene tries to reveal about half of the plot in one go. it introduces Demo, that she's from another world, that she's on a mission to get vegetables for her boss, that she has teleport technology, that there's a fleet about to attack her own world, that there's a regime of some kind, that the regime has taken and are keeping all the food, that there's a resistance to this regime, that the resistance is made up of yoshis, that the resistance has it's own food source, that the charlies get Demo's personal teleporter...That's an awful lot of information to take in before you get to play any of the game. Could we reveal some of that gradually throughout the game? Yes make the story deep but we shouldn't make it so the player has to wade through the story to get to the next playable section. That's Hideo Kojima's job.

[kilon]

Well, the cutscene is roughly 2.30 minutes, so it's not that long, but we might spread it more.
Question is: where and when? We could just start out with only the vegetables, but what reason is there for all the creatures and charlies to attack Demo? Therefore we need the teleportation. You could leave out the YRF until bit later, but then you can wonder why some yoshis help and some yoshis don't.

Ofcourse it could be that we're simply thinking to deep. raocow wouldn't question the double use of yoshi I reckon, but to me it feels better if we have a good developed story going on.

[Garlyle]

Actually, I think the reason we're doing a large prologue like that is to minimalize needing to break up the gameplay with cutscenes later. If we can cover as much as needed now and with the Yoshi's House a bit, then we don't need to do cutscenes later, except for some text after each castle (Already available text space), maybe the occasional cutscene people have put in for their bosses, and a couple cutscenes over the course of the final stage where Demo/Iris/Blaaaat faces off against Charles.

In other words,

Do as much as possible = minimum game breakups for story later.

...Also, that title screen is Horribad. I don't mind A Super Mario Thing, but that background is... eugh. We seem to have decided that we're making the kind of hack everyone can enjoy, that's -not- raocow specific... it needs to go.

[smokestackJACK]

I think it would be interesting if she found Doki Doki Panac (SMB USA) style veggies in the castle cutscenes. Since they would be special in some way. How is still being thought of.

[Norpser]

I think the information in it is fine, yet it just seemed too long in my opinion. Im sure you can cut some stuff out yet still relay the same information.

Other than that I would say its good.

[Daze]

Indoctrination happens, even where you least expect it. (Long live the King? He needs some rousing cheer.)

Yes. Perfect. Although I don't quite understand what you mean with that KC needs some rousing cheer. Every time that he speaks, there should be cheers or something? Comedy style?

Not a cheer that comes up every time he appears. I was just thinking of a nice one-line throwaway, but thinking about, it'd be pretty pointless.

Maybe I'm a little tad too influenced by cRPGs, like Tales of Phantasia, but I can totally see how a pre-stage, just before the cutscene/prologue... or even the demo at the begining, could be of a decrepit Mario trying to fight King Charliem but failing due to old age (i.e. almost no jump, slow movements... that is, a imposible to win battle).

Now, this I think we should avoid, since we're trying not to reveal King Charles as the Big Bad until later in the game. I'm still not sure what the best way would be... waiting until right before the final fight would be safe, since we intend to have (I think?) a cutscene there anyways, but a part of me wants to see it revealed at the start of the volcano world, right as Demo is breaching the stronghold. At every point up until then, the Yoshi Resistance would refer to their enemy as "the king", the tyrant", or similar. Although we would really only have conversation with them once or twice.

I finished a beta version of the first part of the intro cutscene.

Video link

Comments?

I kinda like this. I agree with previous comments that it seems a little long... but not by much. Actually, I only have problems with little bits of the dialogue, where it seems like there's extraneous clauses or sentences being thrown in. I've done some writing, but I'm better at playing with other people's words. May I edit the dialogue you already put in, YCZ, to see if it flows a little better? I'll post it here in an edit, or maybe in a new post.

Either way, my primary comments are cool base background, like the "imminent fleet attack" thing, nice Charlie troops. I do think the Yoshi Resistance doesn't need "Force" on their name, but that's my preference (we could always make a more creative name, and either way, the Charlies will refer to them however they want). Also, I still think we need to have a bit where she falls on top of them, but I'm not sure how we would portray the falling. I do think Demo's mid-air dialogue should be shorter, but I still think a good one-liner (like "...?! This isn't a grocery store...!") or something would be perfectly fine. Like I said, I'll play with dialogue later. Oh, and the "Hey there" background... we need something more polished. XD

So if the name Demo wins, I thought it would be funny if her master mentioned that Demo is a silly and too "in jokey" name.

Haha... I can imagine the master throwing in a line like "Are you questioning my authority, you little in-joke?" Maybe we can play with that. (I'm hoping so.)

Have we reconciled having a new character with the title "A Super Mario Thing" yet?

I'm not sure if we have. I don't think so, though. Unless we work in a plot to spring Mario from Charles' dungeons along with the food, a new name will have to be in order. What it will be... well, maybe we should wait to do that. A plot takes time, but a title takes five minutes and a good thought process. I'm sure it won't be an issue.

Yes make the story deep but we shouldn't make it so the player has to wade through the story to get to the next playable section. That's Hideo Kojima's job.

Haha. Anyways, it's basically like Kilon and Garlyle said: The reason we do so much exposition at the start is for minimal breaks in the action later. I do agree that the dialogue could flow smoother, which would make it seem less obtrusive (see my response to the video link), but the whole plot isn't really that huge. It's something we can pull off, I think, even in a Mario game.

[smokestackJACK]

Mabye a Super Mario Thing could be the unedited ve\rsion title.

[Daze]

Mabye a Super Mario Thing could be the unedited ve\rsion title.

Possibly, but for now I think we're focusing almost exclusively (as far as I know) on the Demo-version hack. If we do a Mario version of the hack, it'll be secondary to the main deal.

[prsnth1111]

If the name "Demo" makes it, we could always call it "Super Demo World". Oh, wait ... ;)

[Argumentable]

Call it "This is a Demo"

[flameofdoubt]

I personally like still "a super mario thing". Since it's a mario romhack having mario in the name still makes sense to me, and the acronym ASMT just sounds right.

[Kil]

speaking of demos, how about this music for the evil spaceship portion of the first cutscene? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HI193ydxZc

[ultratowel112]

Couldn't we do something like "(name of character)'s Adventure" or "A Super (character's name) Thing"?

[Daze]

Couldn't we do something like "(name of character)'s Adventure" or "A Super (character's name) Thing"?

If the name "Demo" makes it, we could always call it "Super Demo World". Oh, wait ... ;)

There's your answer, Towel. ;) Honestly, I don't think we should worry about the title for now. If you have a good idea, post it, but I don't think we need to stress just yet.

EDIT: Just noticed it was "A Super [name] Thing" instead of "...World". Yeah, joke kinda fails at that point. XD Sorry about that.

speaking of demos, how about this music for the evil spaceship portion of the first cutscene? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HI193ydxZc

Heeey, I like it. Where did you find this? Or did you make it yourself? Either way, sounds very fitting. Gets my vote... unless someone wants to 1-up it.

[kilon]

speaking of demos, how about this music for the evil spaceship portion of the first cutscene? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HI193ydxZc

2nded. I assume it fades out at any moment you come to that point in the cutscene? There are fast readers and slow readers after all.

[Chdata]

"A Super Munchy Thing"

I don't really like that Hey there raocow thing, I mean, what about people who play it and don't even know who raocow is? They'll be like... Who the heck is that?

[Kil]

Heeey, I like it. Where did you find this? Or did you make it yourself? Either way, sounds very fitting. Gets my vote... unless someone wants to 1-up it.

Yep, I made it.

speaking of demos, how about this music for the evil spaceship portion of the first cutscene? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HI193ydxZc

2nded. I assume it fades out at any moment you come to that point in the cutscene? There are fast readers and slow readers after all.

Well I assume we can switch songs mid cutscene. For that video, I had to do some video editing to stop the song for the next part...

[Chdata]

I think thats good Kil.