Describe a video game poorly

[TheFinalSentinel]

Guy saves his girlfriend by feeding her exotic meats.

Exactly what the title says. Take a game, and give it a terrible description.

But yeah, let's not clutter up the Twitter thread with this nonsense.

[Wolfolotl]

the weapons are the proletariat and the playable characters are the bourgeoisie

[pholtos]

Extremely lethargic person must help an overly chatty ball with an eye to get out of an insanely large broken down facility.

[Rixithechao]

(Modified version of mine from the Twitter thread so folks don't have to sift through all of my dumb opinions)

A bunch of people in suits yell at each other a lot and a few of them keep shoving a small metal trinket in the others' faces.

[pholtos]

Two rectangles battle it out for eternity with nothing but a square.

[Minnakht]

Teams of five people, or not people, assault the other team's fortress, backed by a lot of expendable flunkies. And you can buy items.

[TheVulpineHero1]

You are a jerk who doesn't bathe. Your job is to remove yourself and a girl with no nose from the world, by trying to interface every single item with every single person.

[Sorel]

you use the spirits of dead people and things to kill monsters and demons. and sometimes even gods.

[metasomnia?]

You jump and shoot and move to the right (for the most part)

[Dizzybelle]

stack blocks until they go away then do it again

[Pikabread]

cram woodland creatures capable of destroying the human race into tiny spheres and use them to have legalized cockfights

[raekuul]

The Nanoha Approach doesn't exactly work down here.

[Blivsey]

A man rides his own head into battle against a monster riding HIS own head.

[TheFinalSentinel]

Man in blue suit points and shouts a lot.

[Maiku Wotaharu]

A racing game with gore.

[churine]

_______ is a dodging-and-selecting roleplaying game.
Explore the caves until you reach the ending.
You can also save your game and continue from where you left off.

[Hacchi]

Escape from an alien planet by enslaving the local plantlife

[Ivy]

it's like minecraft but 2d

[raekuul]

A kid gets lost trying to find his dad.

Pitfall

A kid wrecks his bike in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Some of the local teenagers take parts from his bike when he's not looking and hide them at their houses.

Commander Keen in Marooned on Mars

A dude kicks animals around while on his way to meet his girlfriend.

Super Mario Bros

A girl at one with nature goes exploring, falls into a cave, and eventually comes across pirates.

Jill of the Jungle trilogy

A dad gets lost trying to find his kid.

Silent Hill: Shattered Memories

[Ivy]

Sonic & friends drive around in cars when they would probably be better off on foot anyways

[TheVulpineHero1]

One of these six Japanese kids is about to go nuts and murder their friends. Guess which one.

[Telamon]

Mario is sentenced to community service.

[Zha Hong Lang]

play as one of two lolis against (at least) six others, while in the midst of fireworks.

touhou

[Window Squeegee]

A small child kills everything under his basement, including the Devil himself, by vomiting lasers

[Ivy]

A small child kills everything under his basement, including the Devil himself, by vomiting lasers

this is more situational than mine....