Re: A2MT Plot thread
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Okay, that's clear. btw. I thought raocow wasn't supposed to be reading the spoilers in this thread. XD
- raocow
- the death of the incredible huge
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Oddly enough, I actually DON'T read them. I'm not sure why I decided to click on your spoiler tag there, honestly!
the chillaxest of dragons
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
I think that with how much the story has changed... the dialoges should be a lot less criptic...
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Some summarization going on..
I'll compile all the concrete dialogues here.
I'll add some red text where I have minor suggestions
Intro
Pily
Pandamona
Mishi
Garish
Nevada
Science
Iris
Artist
Ending
...
I'll compile all the concrete dialogues here.
I'll add some red text where I have minor suggestions
Intro
Last edited by Paralars 12 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Though I am still super-busy, I am trying to pace my contributions to meet raocow's deadlines he has set for level check-ins. I know the deadlines he set are different than the deadlines we have for writing this story, but I felt having a schedule keeps me focused.
- Tails_155
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
We can call the ship "Bel Air" if you wish, but I made it more basically relevant XP It's not perfect, but it mostly rhymes right.raocow wrote:Now, this is the story all about how
Her life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
I'll tell you how she became the prince of a ship called [Ship Name]
In Sector 9, she was born and raised
On the station is where she spent most of her days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool
And doin' the bidding of her Master's rule
When a couple of Charlies who were up to no good
Took her transporter, as she understood
She got in one little fight and her boss got scared
And said, "You're stayin' on the ship with your Master in [Ship Name]"
She begged and pleaded with him the other day
But he locked the station where she wandered all day
He gave her a job and then he left her to wander
She put her Walkman on and said, "gotta search yonder"
She searched the environs and it became clear
There was more than just her with this one-eyed figure
If anything she could say that this form was rare
Since all the others were strange, with only one pair
She pulled up to the gates around seven or eight
And she yelled to the siblings, "Yo homes, smell you later"
Looked at her kingdom, she was finally there
To settle her throne as the queen of [Ship Name]
----------------
There. This is the story. She's on a homocidal rampage to claim the spaceship Bel Air as her own. 'The Artist' is just an innnocent duder that got caught in the crossfire, the ending can be a picture of the Twin Towers with a crying birdo with the words 'never forget'
Though in the form of Little Big Planet, we could call it [Ship Name]
I'm member number 499 (⬤)∀(⬤)
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
this can roll with the credits
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Let's redo Iris, in light of the new story. This is being done in order to technically meet up with my self-imposed deadline. Because this is of such sort notice, the writing quality may be in need of improvement. I'll also aim to write the Ending to A2MT as well but right now, I need to go to sleep.
First Confrontation with Iris:
Second Confrontation of Iris:
First Confrontation with Iris:
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
awesome.
Really good job.
I've added them to the collection, but have two little problems with it (see the red text in the compilation above), but generally I really like it, not too long, nice reference etc.
Really good job.
I've added them to the collection, but have two little problems with it (see the red text in the compilation above), but generally I really like it, not too long, nice reference etc.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
man, Japanese can be easy at times...
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Moniker, the ninja re-writer swoops in for the kill!
Intro!
Pandemona!
Pily!
Mishi!
Garish!
Nevada!
Science!
Iris!
Artist!
Ending!
So I know I haven't been involved with the project since back when it first started, so I'm probably stepping on some toes. Ignore if you want, use parts if you want, use all if you want. It was fun to do in any case.
I removed mid-boss messages (no one wants a cutscene/popup during a battle), trimmed the text in general, and made attempts at humor. I added in dialogue for Mishi and a light ending. I strongly suggest throwing down a mid-point right after the first cutscene of each boss fight.
Cheers and good luck!
Intro!
I removed mid-boss messages (no one wants a cutscene/popup during a battle), trimmed the text in general, and made attempts at humor. I added in dialogue for Mishi and a light ending. I strongly suggest throwing down a mid-point right after the first cutscene of each boss fight.
Cheers and good luck!
Nothing's easy.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Yeah, you're probably stepping on some toes, and I think I cringed at the Iris intro (because it misses the point of the reference, though I wonder if that reference is pretty obscure)...but eh, more write-ups are probably better for whoever eventually has to compile it. [I haven't read all of it, by the way, so I'm not able to comment sensibly on anything other than that.]
I'll be writing an Ending soon, by the way, it's just going to take some time for me to deal with other issues first.
I'll be writing an Ending soon, by the way, it's just going to take some time for me to deal with other issues first.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
It was referencing What the Hell, right? I admit I didn't really understand the Iris's master thing, so I rewrote it in a way that could be clashing with something established elsewhere.Servant wrote:Yeah, you're probably stepping on some toes, and I think I cringed at the Iris intro (because it misses the point of the reference, though I wonder if that reference is pretty obscure)
Nothing's easy.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Referencing both What the Hell? and What the Hell? 2 actually. The latter was left incomplete (and abandoned) by raocow though.
- raocow
- the death of the incredible huge
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
I have to say, I really like how Moniker writes. The 'enhanced' english matches so well with how everything that happens is so stupid.
the chillaxest of dragons
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Demo's story in a nutshellraocow wrote:I have to say, I really like how Moniker writes. The 'enhanced' english matches so well with how everything that happens is so stupid.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
I must admit that I don't think I can read Moniker's work effectively because every time I do so, I close it quickly. I don't feel like I'm an independent arbitrator because most of the stuff I wrote was stuff I wrote. I did manage to barrel through Intro! and Iris! at least, so I'll hope I'll use that as a guideline for the rest of your work.
Ending
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Just popping in to say Moniker once again did an amazing job. But I think he and Servant should start working together a bit (not just rewriting what the other did) to get the maximum effect.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Well, Servant had some awesome ideas and moniker did a great job on "cutting the fat"
The two versions are very similar and I think they are both pretty funny.
Moniker's versions are sometimes a bit too short, Servant's tend to be too... dramatic?
I think the Iris one, the ending, the intro, the Artist one, the pandamona one and the pily one are as good as finished in moniker's versions, maybe a little fine tuning if someone has a problem with something.
The rest is debatable.
The two versions are very similar and I think they are both pretty funny.
Moniker's versions are sometimes a bit too short, Servant's tend to be too... dramatic?
I think the Iris one, the ending, the intro, the Artist one, the pandamona one and the pily one are as good as finished in moniker's versions, maybe a little fine tuning if someone has a problem with something.
The rest is debatable.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
I thought the Science one was pretty good. I haven't read Servant's so I don't know how the two compare but I liked Moniker's.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
They're almost the same, basically.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Yeah, I only made very minor changes to Science and The Artist.
Taking another look, I think I prefer Servant's Nevada to mine, although the ending, while incredibly pretty, is a bit too serious for my tastes. Maybe take the garden analogy a little further?
So Servant, if you want, send me a PM with what you want to happen with the script, and we can hash it out. Or just post it here. Again, sorry for stepping on toes. I still feel bad for doing almost exactly the same thing to Kilon with ASMT. =)
Edit: Is the Cotopaxi bird still going to be in the game?
I'm up for some collabing. The bits that I think need work are Pandemona (I like the defeat dialogue, but not really happy with the start - had trouble coming up with anything at all), Mishi's defeat, Garish's defeat (could probably use something better than cheap innuendo - I didn't understand your original, Servant, was that from a song?), and definitely something between The Artist and The Ending. I like my sitcom wrap-up ending w/ Master Kevin, but it def needs some more Artist action to tie loose ends and be more climactic.kilon wrote:Just popping in to say Moniker once again did an amazing job. But I think he and Servant should start working together a bit (not just rewriting what the other did) to get the maximum effect.
Taking another look, I think I prefer Servant's Nevada to mine, although the ending, while incredibly pretty, is a bit too serious for my tastes. Maybe take the garden analogy a little further?
So Servant, if you want, send me a PM with what you want to happen with the script, and we can hash it out. Or just post it here. Again, sorry for stepping on toes. I still feel bad for doing almost exactly the same thing to Kilon with ASMT. =)
Edit: Is the Cotopaxi bird still going to be in the game?
Nothing's easy.
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
the cotopaxi bird is running a store that sells various overworld paths to special levels in exchange for gold dubloons (dragon coins)
Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010
Or he trades for what he thinks are gold doubloons, but he's too drunk to realize they're just the useless plastic parrot tokens he forgot he dropped everywhere one day.