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Writing Contest: Good night little child

would you like to participate in some fun contests? would you like to create some fun contests? well ^_^
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sedron
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by sedron »

Oh what last place I can't belieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve it.

I'll go through the other entries at some point, too. Just not right this moment. =P

Um, I don't particularly know what to say about that last story though? Other than good luck and hope to see you around somewhere else, I guess. I'm not good at sappy goodbyes, so I won't do one. See ya, Clam.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by Piter Lauchy »

I really didn't expect to get such a high place. I'm slightly baffled, but also very happy. Due to procrastination my entry was pretty rushed, and I would have liked to flesh it out a lot more. I'm still satisfied with how it turned out.
Thank you, Clamestarebla, for hosting this, and I'm sad to see you go. With how little I know about you, you seem like a cool dude. But, well, only do what makes you happy.

Congratulations to the winners! I haven't read any entry yet, but I will and probably comment on them.

The formatting of my text seems to have gotten screwed up somewhere along the process. Here's how it's supposed to look: https://www.dropbox.com/s/a4am23o4kyjiz ... p.pdf?dl=0
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by Holy »

6th place WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I'm glad I got a laugh outta ya, clam. Have fun elsewhere on the internet!!
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by HamsterZerg »

Honestly, I was just participating for the sake of participating. I wasn't really trying to win. That said, if my story was so confusing, why didn't it get last place?

Also... I honestly hope you find a place on the internet that makes you feel welcome. I also hope you can remember any good things that happened to you on the talkhaus.

I was looking forward to a second writing contest, but now? Now I just want you to find a place that you feel is worth your time.

Good bye, Clam Lord. May the gods of literature smile upon you.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by Zha Hong Lang »

HamsterZerg wrote:Honestly, I was just participating for the sake of participating. I wasn't really trying to win. That said, if my story was so confusing, why didn't it get last place?
Because last place was literally a blank page. You can't get any objectively worse than that.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by dr_vblschrf »

So forgive me if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill....but "find igens leap (muddel KB)" is just the premise of James Joyce's "Finnegans Wake" with different words. And if it was anything else, where the entire point wasn't the style of the writing, I guess I would just pass it off but since the style is the entire appeal of both of these (to me at least) it just sort of bothers me.

Seriously, see if you can even tell the two apart:

"Otherways wesways like that provost scoffing bedoueen the jebel and the jpysian sea. Cropherb the crunchbracken shall decide. Then we'll know if the feast is a flyday. She has a gift of seek on site and she allcasually ansars helpers, the dreamydeary. Heed! Heed! It may half been a missfired brick, as some say, or it mought have been due to a collupsus of his back promises, as others looked at it. (There extand by now one thousand and one stories, all told, of the same)"


"Points poke fram puffs. Does this increase his electrability? Sommewert. Zeus alors! Donnerwetter! No, no, no—not quite yetter (maybe next Thorsday); just beam a little beam of me. Humph! Well I do éclair! A strål in the park. Very lee, the noblitzt of attacks! Heh-heh hergh. Kracky, Kracky, the lightening you lacky? Boltbare and lynløs? Grzmot! Taarnagh!We willn’t stond fear this, you clo(u)d! Vas te fair foudre!"


Like...is this an homage? Technique, style, multilingual puns, even the way you begin and end the entry with a sentence that gets cut off in the middle...I applaud you for actually taking the time to make your own version of it but it just feels kinda empty to me since it's been done to death in Joyce's original.

I'm sorry if this isn't an important thing but....yeah this was going to be a more eloquent closing sentence but I guess I can't think of what else to say.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by Le Neveu de Rameau »

Spoiled for anyone who wants to avoid any sort of explanation for my silly piece before reading it:

It is a silly thing, no doubt about that, but the content isn't exactly irrelevant--in fact, it's sort of the essence of the joke. Finnegans Wake famously portrays a sort of cyclical dream world, albeit one unlike any dream I've ever had, so I, goofball that I am, thought it would be funny to write a story which adopts the same style and structure, but depicts a different sort of Dream Land. Specifically, it retells the entire story of the original Kirby's Dream Land from beginning to end, with the stages described in a reasonable amount of detail (the above passage, incidentally, is the narrator chiding Kracko for just having a double version of Waddle-Doo's beam instead of a proper lightning attack). This was not a coincidental choice; in addition to the thematic similarity, Kirby's Dream Land is also a cyclical game--complete it, and you'll get a code, (namely up + A + select, thus we "make up A-choice") which you can input on the title screen, allowing you to play a second, harder version of the game with more difficult obstacles and weirder/uglier enemies Accordingly, the final paragraph describes the return to the title screen with its line one dancing Kirbys ("Then whitely, titely goes the scare ‘em"), the inputting of the code, and the restarting of the game, the endless row of Kirbies dancing across the screen becoming a metaphor for the potentially endless iterations of the game, as well as a parallel to the river which ends/begins the original Wake. Also, there's a bunch of Ingmar Bergman jokes mixed in, because I am, as we know, a silly person (and of course because of this famous scene).

The original Kirby also had a sort of weird proto-myth feel to it which I really can't explain, but which left an oddly lasting effect on me in childhood (and yet which wasn't to be found in any way, in, say, the Spring Breeze segment in Kirby's Superstar--and I say that as somewho who i]loooooves[/i] me some Superstar), so it seemed like a weirdly appropriate choice for that reason as well. And the conflation of "low" and "high" culture, the mixing of the day-to-day and literary mythic canon is something Joyce aimed for in the Wake as well, so shoving something so "plebian" as a vidya game--a medium much pooh-poohed by those who delight in poohing upon such things--in there seemed like a fitting choice. But let's be honest--I mostly a had a silly, over-complicated idea which I thought would be funny. I like dreams, I like languages, I like puns, I like taking the piss, I like rambling on excessively with no point, and I like making things needlessly complicated for myself, so I thought this would be a fun little experiment to try for the contest. And the hest's wrist is hairy.

Now, whether the idea strikes you as clever or hare-brained (or both) is entirely subjective, and I honesty doubt blame you if my story strikes you as genuinely dumb. I honestly figured there was about equal odds I would get first or last place for this (or, you know, probably somewhere in the middle), depending on whether my (admittedly offbeat) sense humor happened to align with Clamestarebla's. But the journey is the important thing here, not the destination, for as we've established, we're waltzing about in glorious circular orbits about an uncanny Kirby-shaped planetoid with Jame's Joyce's face superimposed in the manner of tired internet memes. Whatever the case, it was great fun to write, and I'm glad Clamestarebla enjoyed it as well. If it wasn't really to your taste, though, no sweat--I just hope there was a pun or two in there that made you smile. We don't have oceans of literature because everyone enjoys reading the same exact sort of thing. Hooray for difersetoes!
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by RedMageSusie »

Okay, I started doing some reading and I'll post updates when I get around to everyone's stories. I'm doing them in order that they're listed in the collection

10TH PLACE

Untitled

…Well, every contest needs a joke entry...


8TH PLACE (the first one)

Chronicle of an Inkling

Hoooooooo boy. Crossover can be fun, but there also needs a bit more restraint and focus, like Clem said. You also throw in a lot of elements really quickly and it doesn’t really flow very well. And because so many things and people get introduced all at once, the development of the characters suffers. If someone isn’t familiar with the source material, it’s especially confusing.

I also understand what you were trying to do emulating some of the source material, but certain video game mechanics don’t really translate well into a story like this. Learning what to cut is just as important as developing the idea. The entire thing just felt too ambitious.

That being said, I think you should keep at it. Outside of a few errors here and there, I think it was constructed decently on a technical level. Just gotta write more, practice, and share it around and see what people like and dislike. Take the feedback and continue to improve. I hope you keep writing!
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by Zha Hong Lang »

haha skip mine. It's also a joke entry, but it's so confusing that you probably won't be able to tell even who the main characters are, much less what's actually going on. I got inspired by FLCL when writing it.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by RedMageSusie »

Nope. You submitted an entry, so I'm gonna read it. No getting off that easily :p
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by Zha Hong Lang »

I'll give you a cookie if you can tell who the main character is, including who the character's parents are. I'll give you another cookie if you can tell who is in the obligatory ship.

I'll give you the cookie jar if you can tell what the canon universe is like, and what happens in the story (so far) with 60% accuracy.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by RedMageSusie »

Challenge accepted, but I have a feeling you'll be keeping your cookies.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by RedMageSusie »

Okay, 8th place - part 2

Honey Milk Syrup

...I'm so glad you said this was a joke entry, but this would be super hard to critique seriously... I read an excerpt to my fiancee and she thought it was cute, so there's at least that. But yeah, the narrative is rather all over the place.

I'm guessing the main character is Syrup-chan, whose parents are Delicious French Toast and Scrambled Eggs. As for the canon universe, I'm guessing it's foodland
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by Zha Hong Lang »

RedMageMike wrote:...I'm so glad you said this was a joke entry, but this would be super hard to critique seriously... I read an excerpt to my fiancee and she thought it was cute, so there's at least that. But yeah, the narrative is rather all over the place.
Success :D
RedMageMike wrote:I'm guessing the main character is Syrup-chan, whose parents are Delicious French Toast and Scrambled Eggs.
Cookie!
RedMageMike wrote:As for the canon universe, I'm guessing it's foodland
Another cookie, but not quite the food jar. A few countries of the new continent basically ARE foodland, but what's most important to note is these quotes:

Humanity was coming close to a major breakthrough, which was both to time travel and to lapse between alternate dimensions of reality.

"However, when the scientists finally figured out how to do these procedures successfully, they also had a high rate of failure they were not aware of. This did not stop them from exploring the known realms of reality, however, which was safe to a certain extent."

There were a few realms of reality which collided, though the human scientists did not take any of this into account, unfortunately. This was clear evidence of the imperfection in their technology, which they needed to fix, but did not.

"At some point, Humanity began to find the current existing reality boring and useless. They expected more from reality, something which would be far more entertaining than what they had. So... they began altering the most core aspect of the realm of existence... the tenth dimension."

"The tenth dimension indeed is the existence of everything." Mother Russia affirmed. "But that's exactly that: you can't have a new everything, even if you tried. That's exactly what humanity tried to do, and... combined with their already flawed technology, they failed miserably. Concepts, real objects, natural laws... they all combined into one another. almost nothing was left unaltered. Except for one thing."

"It was rest." Mother Russia answered, once again. "Rest can allow anything to recuperate its energy, and to sort itself out while asleep. Therefore, rest was a key role for society to gain enough comprehensibility to exist again, and more importantly, the first meal of the day, breakfast, was sacred for restructure of society as well."

"Thus, Breakfast became the first real country in the new reality. The others which followed were either based on the previous civilization, or were original, as breakfast was. But Breakfast was not met without its faults, However. Hot Dog did not appreciate the value it had over finding specific points of reality to build with, and instead wanted to re-construct reality using general groups of ideas. He was rejected by academia, and as a result formed the International Sausage Association, which he intends to be his own country, identical to breakfast in every way except that he rules it, and the aforementioned concept is put into place."

So, more than just being foodland, it's a big soup of concepts and ideas merging with reality to create some pretty messed-up stuff. I was just wanting to see if you could get those two things without going into all of the stupid science explanations.

I didn't see the obligatory ship question answered, but I'll just say it now: it was between Coffee, who was Syrup-chan's dog, and Corn Dog, a former member of the ISA. (International Sausage Association)
... at this point in time, Corn Dog's eyes met with Coffee the dog's, and the two were in love.
... Corn Dog asked, letting herself be hugged by Coffee the Dog.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by RedMageSusie »

Ooooh! Totally forgot about the ship thing haha. I kinda inferred a bit from the 10th dimension thing, but yeah, I didn't entirely piece it together. Whoops ^^;

Anyways, more reviews!

7th

Master of Ceremonies

I didn't have as much of a problem with the cast as Clem did. I thought Carina and Kent were okay, if a bit unmemorable. The supporting cast was kinda "eh". Kent's over-the-top perfection did build some intrigue, and I like that you left it a bit open, but it did become a bit too much at times, especially at the end. And then alien thing was a bit out of left field, especially considering how mundane the first set of problems were.

I do think this idea could work, with or without the aliens. The base set of problem just need to be a bit more involved and we could delve more into Kent and Carina's personalities (probably more Carina's since Kent works a bit better as mysterious). And then if/when the aliens hit, they could be a bit more subtle hints to something bigger happening. And the aliens should do a bit more than just show up. They don't really add much right now.

Again, I don't think it's a bad effort. It just needs a bit more oomph because it feels a bit flat right now. I know you mentioned that you had have a copy by that your friend did a few minor edits. I'm a bit curious to what they might have said and what might have changed.

Still, there's potential there. I would definitely love to see what you might come with in future contests (if there are any). And I love the closing line!


6th

The Prompt

This got a chuckle out of me. And it's pretty solid for a build up to a joke. Honestly, I could see this fitting in a collection of silly little stories. So kudos for that.


5th

It Doesn't Stop

Very dark. I'm not usually into dark stories like this, but there was a lot here to bring intrigue. But then it ends! What a tease!

I think my only main issue here is that the narrative seems to shift in the middle a bit. I can kinda understand how Clem read into it though, especially given the theme of the story. I would love to see where you were planning to go with it.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by Piter Lauchy »

RedMageMike wrote:
It Doesn't Stop

Very dark. I'm not usually into dark stories like this, but there was a lot here to bring intrigue. But then it ends! What a tease!

I think my only main issue here is that the narrative seems to shift in the middle a bit. I can kinda understand how Clem read into it though, especially given the theme of the story. I would love to see where you were planning to go with it.
For some reason I have a great fondness for stories where the main character goes insane slowly but steadily. I wanted to recreate that with madness itself as the narrator because I also have a fondness for personifications of abstract concepts.
The "slowly and steadily" part isn't there, of course, because my story is so short. Unfortunately, procrastination and me are pretty good friends, even though I don't really like them. That's also the reason for the narrative shift. I wrote the beginning and end first and filled in the middle later. While doing that, I started to feel the creative flow fade away, so I forced myself to somehow bring the story to the end I had already written. I'm guessing that forced part is the shift you speak of.
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by RedMageSusie »

Piter Lauchy wrote:
RedMageMike wrote:
It Doesn't Stop

Very dark. I'm not usually into dark stories like this, but there was a lot here to bring intrigue. But then it ends! What a tease!

I think my only main issue here is that the narrative seems to shift in the middle a bit. I can kinda understand how Clem read into it though, especially given the theme of the story. I would love to see where you were planning to go with it.
For some reason I have a great fondness for stories where the main character goes insane slowly but steadily. I wanted to recreate that with madness itself as the narrator because I also have a fondness for personifications of abstract concepts.
The "slowly and steadily" part isn't there, of course, because my story is so short. Unfortunately, procrastination and me are pretty good friends, even though I don't really like them. That's also the reason for the narrative shift. I wrote the beginning and end first and filled in the middle later. While doing that, I started to feel the creative flow fade away, so I forced myself to somehow bring the story to the end I had already written. I'm guessing that forced part is the shift you speak of.
Ooooooh okay. Yeah. That would make sense. It’s just that it starts with “Madness” describing things, and it could make sense that he’s predicting the man’s thoughts and reactions. But it’s when the two meet that I feel the narration gets muddled. I still love the premise!


Anyways, on to the final set of reviews as well as a few comments on my story.

4th

Paranormal Specialist

I got massive Dresden Files vibes from this one, but there’s enough different about it that it’s not screaming “ripoff” (besides, things like that happen unintentionally all the time). In the short amount of time, I really get a feel for Malachi and it’s great. It’s just a shame it had to stop so soon.

You describe things very well. And the little details you add give amazing flair to the story. There were a few though that felt a bit over the top for me (the description of the music for example), but that’s just me. Someone else might read it and think it’s brilliant. Either way, I loved it while it lasted. I just wish there was a lot more.


3rd

En'ka Ma'ru: Shoru's Legacy

I’ll be honest, I don’t normally like sci-fi type stories like this one. But you painted a great picture, set the groundwork for a fun story, and I enjoyed the characters that were there. Just like the entry before it, when the story suddenly ended, I was disappointed. I’m glad you outlined the story and what your plan was. Overall, it would’ve been extremely impressive if you were able to get that all done within the contest period.

I have a few minor critiques. I think your initial descriptions at the start felt a bit too “textbook” if that makes sense. Especially with lines like “for reference” and such. The other thing would be to make sure thoughts aren’t in quotations like spoken words. It’s not a huge deal, but it’s a minor peeve of mine. I like having thoughts and speech be clearly separated. But those are minor quibbles at best.

I think you should definitely continue this one. Maybe start a blog or find a spot to post and develop it because it’s a piece that deserves more. If you do, let me know because I’d love to read more!


1st (not mine)

find igens leap (muddel KB)

…It’s entries like these that make me glad I’m not a judge, because I have no idea how I would rank this. Depending on my state of mind, I could easily find this genius, or extremely pretentious.

I did read the earlier comments about the comparison to Finnegans Wake. And while I thought the same thing when I read it too, it didn’t really detract too much. It’s still a challenging endeavour to write like that, and to write it well.

Buuuuuuut, I did eventually give in and had to listen to the audio version. The narration was great, and it’s got a lot of beautiful sounds that make it fun to listen too. But trying to read it myself was…less beautiful.

But I do believe there’s a place in the literary world for stories like this one. And from the few interactions I’ve had with you, you seem like the kind of person who likes to have fun with language, not out of pretension, but just out of general enjoyment and appreciation of what language can be. It’s just unfortunate that I might not always get it…


And finally, a bit about my piece

This contest gave me an opportunity (or really, an excuse) to finally do a project I’ve wanted to do for a long time: Write a story based on a song. There are a lot of songs that I love that evoke a vivid story or emotion from me. I’ve often wondered what I could do using one as an inspiration and then being a story from what I felt from it.

I spent the first few days listening to songs that I had previous thought of to see what ideas I could work with. The song I eventually picked was a bit of a cop out. The story in it is a lot more detailed than most of the other songs I was debating. But I liked the premise and, given the deadline, I thought I had the best chance of completing something with it without feeling exhausted for ideas midway.

After that, I had to decide on how I wanted to main character to be. I knew it was going to be dark because of the premise, but did I want to be tragic as well? I decided against that. There’s enough tragic works out there, and I wanted something that wouldn’t leave the reader gut-wrenched. So I purposely made the character somewhat of a jerk. A charismatic jerk though, one that people would find interesting enough to read about, but not someone who would have people weeping at his demise. But I didn’t want to make him entirely unsympathetic because that could be an instant turn off for the reader and I wanted him to be enjoyable. I wanted to find that balance where there’s an opening for a reader to say “Man, he was full of it, but he didn’t deserve that.” If that makes sense. I could just be rambling.

I know having a more likable character might have given a more “dramatic potency”, or something like that, but I don’t think I would have had as much fun writing it. Plus, I think there’d be enough people on either side of the likable/dislikable fence based on how they feel about his antics.

Part 2 was the hardest part to write because I had never wrote anything “action-y” before. I think I hit a decent length with it, but I hope the battle didn’t resolve to quickly. Part 3 was also a bit tricky because I wanted to make sure the characters interactions didn’t feel stiff, which is always a challenge in romantically charged scenes (at least for me). It’s so easy from something to sound terribly cheesy and just break the moment. So if the “love” scene was a bit rushed, it was because I wanted to transition out of it before I had a chance to ruin it. Just something I need to work on in the future

I think I made the right choice with my idea and characters. I had a lot of fun writing it. I was kinda sad that I finished it so soon. I sent it to my friends to read over. Only a couple of them did, but the ones who read it enjoyed it a lot, so I felt pretty good about my submission. Not “Hey, this is definitely a winning story” good, but I thought I’d do well. Looking back, there’s a few lines here and there I felt I should have changed because they feel a bit clumsy (to me at least).

But honestly, after reading everyone else’s, I kinda feel like I only did so well due to completion more than anything else. But I’m also really bad at self-evaluation. It’ll be interesting to see what other people think if/when they read it.

I hope you enjoy(ed) it!
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by DoctorSponge »

RedMageMike wrote:3rd
En'ka Ma'ru: Shoru's Legacy
I’ll be honest, I don’t normally like sci-fi type stories like this one. But you painted a great picture, set the groundwork for a fun story, and I enjoyed the characters that were there. Just like the entry before it, when the story suddenly ended, I was disappointed. I’m glad you outlined the story and what your plan was. Overall, it would’ve been extremely impressive if you were able to get that all done within the contest period.

I have a few minor critiques. I think your initial descriptions at the start felt a bit too “textbook” if that makes sense. Especially with lines like “for reference” and such. The other thing would be to make sure thoughts aren’t in quotations like spoken words. It’s not a huge deal, but it’s a minor peeve of mine. I like having thoughts and speech be clearly separated. But those are minor quibbles at best.

I think you should definitely continue this one. Maybe start a blog or find a spot to post and develop it because it’s a piece that deserves more. If you do, let me know because I’d love to read more!
I don't think I ever expected to finish during the contest. A few days before the contest was announced, I had outlined the plot for a separate project I was planning on working on but will probably never actually get to. I found out about the contest (posted on my birthday, coincidentally) and wondered what I would write about, then had an idea to make a story out of this video game plot I had just come up with. I started writing at the beginning of the plot, and then I thought maybe I should start with how it got to that point, came up with some ideas, and started with that scene, trying to incorporate all the background I'd already been developing.

I'll admit, I don't like the "textbook" descriptions much myself. They sound basic and plain, but at that point I had neither the time nor the energy to work them in the way I wanted to. I would have liked to weave them into character dialogue, maybe tie in some background when it was pertinent to the scene. Also, I've basically done zero creative writing outside of schoolwork, so I wasn't too sure on how to properly format things, even after looking it up.

I really want to continue developing this world (starting with this story as a base) and have been giving it more thought, and I hope the project can help me overcome some psychological obstacles keeping me from achieving my goals. The fact that people are actually interested in what I did end up submitting means a lot to me. (The reactions to my MaGLX2 "creation" have put me in slightly better spirits, too)
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Re: Writing Contest: Good night little child

Post by RedMageSusie »

DoctorSponge wrote:
RedMageMike wrote:3rd
En'ka Ma'ru: Shoru's Legacy
I’ll be honest, I don’t normally like sci-fi type stories like this one. But you painted a great picture, set the groundwork for a fun story, and I enjoyed the characters that were there. Just like the entry before it, when the story suddenly ended, I was disappointed. I’m glad you outlined the story and what your plan was. Overall, it would’ve been extremely impressive if you were able to get that all done within the contest period.

I have a few minor critiques. I think your initial descriptions at the start felt a bit too “textbook” if that makes sense. Especially with lines like “for reference” and such. The other thing would be to make sure thoughts aren’t in quotations like spoken words. It’s not a huge deal, but it’s a minor peeve of mine. I like having thoughts and speech be clearly separated. But those are minor quibbles at best.

I think you should definitely continue this one. Maybe start a blog or find a spot to post and develop it because it’s a piece that deserves more. If you do, let me know because I’d love to read more!
I really want to continue developing this world (starting with this story as a base) and have been giving it more thought, and I hope the project can help me overcome some psychological obstacles keeping me from achieving my goals. The fact that people are actually interested in what I did end up submitting means a lot to me. (The reactions to my MaGLX2 "creation" have put me in slightly better spirits, too)
Yeah, I can understand what you mean about psychological barriers and stuff.

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