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The Story and Writing Thread (UPDATE)

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Aposke
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The Story and Writing Thread (UPDATE)

Post by Aposke »

Howdy!
As TheVulpineHero reminded me, we didn't really have a centralized place to discuss the backbone of our Visual Novel yet – the story part!
In order for the writers to really be able to start with their work, we'll need some set story and character backgrounds, of course. This thread is here to supply that vital information and to create a space for the writers to discuss fine-tuning of their scenes, character personalities, and so on.
To start off, I'd like to give a short, basic overview of some "general rules":

Writing Style
- Present tense
- First-person perspective
- EVERY paragraph starts and ends with ", and you'll have to make a new line (hit enter) for each new paragraph.
- If you want to display a person saying something, start a new line with their name, followed by the quotes (Koba "It sure is warm outside!")
- If you want dynamic text, you can use {i}{/i} for italics, {b}{/b} for bold, and so on. {w=0.5} makes a short pause in the text flow and {w=1.0} makes a long one.
- Thoughts are always displayed by simple text lines in quotes and italics.
- Different scenes for male and female protagonists are denoted by a simple If-Clause:

Code: Select all

If m=1: 
   Lion-Guy „Welcome to the battlefield, brother.“

else
   Lion-Guy „Welcome to the battlefield, sister.“
- Menus featuring choices are made with the following syntax:

Code: Select all

menu:
   „Who is Leomon?“
      jump leo-ending

   „Anyways, do you know the way to Uni or not?“
      jump goto-uni
- Please insert basic descriptions of where new character postures should appear. This can be done however you like, but should be clearly distinguishable from the normal text. Personally, I use ###KobaBeach laughing###, but anything like that will do just fine.
- This might seem a little complicated to wrap your head around, but learning these basic rules will greatly reduce the time it takes to insert the script into the actual RenPy engine (since it won't need to be translated and can pretty much be inserted "as-is". If you need any other pointers, take a look at my writing sample a few posts down or just PM me.

General
- We shouldn't go "absolutely insanely crazy" with anything. Keep characters and events believable (at least to a degree), but don't make them mundane, either. If you want to depict Rikun dressing up as Marisa every second Tuesday of the month because she believes she can control the moon that way (and you can depict this in a funny way rather than just putting this in "for its own sake"), then, by all means, go for it. The main aim of this project is to be fun to make and fun to play!
- As far as I know, Concordia University operates in 2-semester-years, starting in September and April respectively. Keep that in mind for writing your scenes (aka early scenes taking place in Fall, etc.).

Setting
- The story mainly takes place in and around the Concordia University in Montreal, Canada.
- The university has two campuses: SGW and Loyola. The former is the "main" campus, located directly in the heart of the city, while the latter is located about 2 kilometers south-west of the city center. Here's some (pretty detailed) info on what's located on each of them.
- "The Haus", where our protagonist and the other characters (how many? we don't know yet!) will live, is part of the Hingston Hall student dorms, located nearby the Loyola campus. However, the "Haus" isn't actually an official part of those dorms and most students don't even know it exists / can't find it even when given directions.
- Due to its unofficial nature, the Haus is a very homey, self-made type of space that may seem cramped at times but makes for surprisingly good living conditions for the different personalities inhabiting it.
- In general, it would be nice if our writers could do a fair amount of research on the Concordia University and Montreal in general. The setting doesn't need to be 1:1 compared to reality, of course, but a certain sense of "believability" would be very nice (this thread can also be used as an info exchange hub regarding this).

Characters
- Due to the limited scope of the project, we'll try to keep the number of visually appearing characters relatively small. Including side chars and whatnot, we should probably not aim for a number above 25.
- Regarding the MC, we're taking requests as to what she's supposed to be studying. I haven't been able to come up with anything witty or particularly good myself yet, so I'd be delighted to hear what ideas you guys might have regarding this!
- Very very very very very alpha-stage character descriptions can be found here.

I probably forgot a million things in this post, but I kinda wanna get this out there now and it's late and I'm literally falling asleep as I'm writing this. Expect some updates with this post soon-ish. Until then, feel free to ask about stuff or request info to be added, bring your own ideas in, etc!
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Petzi
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread

Post by Petzi »

Seriously, dude. Get yourself some more class. You're not helping out.
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Mabel
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread

Post by Mabel »

Bartle wrote:
Aposke wrote:If you want to depict Rikun dressing up as Marisa every second Tuesday of the month because she believes she can control the moon that way (and you can depict this in a funny way rather than just putting this in "for its own sake"), then, by all means, go for it
but don't have olargill dressing like a girl because thats wrong
y u do dis
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Leet
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread

Post by Leet »

gee i wonder if bartle maybe has a problem with aposke??? i think he should make more jabs at him in random threads just so people can really figure it out
Well it is a decent hack but sometime its just too repetitif there no level that actually pop in your face and your like oh yeah that level they all ressemble themselves and just monster along the way.
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TheVulpineHero1
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread

Post by TheVulpineHero1 »

In terms of writing style, are we going to do things in past tense or present tense?
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Aposke
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread

Post by Aposke »

TheVulpineHero1 wrote:In terms of writing style, are we going to do things in past tense or present tense?
Present tense. There's a few other general rules that will be added here later, especially considering formatting (so only the writers will have to format the text and it can be directly inserted about renpy).
One example of this is the indication of cursive text with {i}{/i} and bold text with {b}{/b}, for example. Not exactly necessary for your test scene (if we're gonna end up using it we can just add it later), but I'll write up a full post on that later.
Aposke
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread (UPDATE)

Post by Aposke »

Allright, sorry for the gigantic delay with my writing.
I've mostly finished up the first two intro scenes for the script. What I'm posting here is about ~75% of the introduction itself, before our Main Character gets to meet all the people in the "Haus". I'm still planning on writing that scene as well, but I've been a little busy (and lazy) in the meantime, so I simply didn't have my spirits up for the task. I'll try to get around to writing it over the next weekend, where I'll have some more free time, but I can't promise anything.

Also, please read the post on top for writing instructions if you're a writer!
It includes some basic syntax that you'll need to use so as to make insertion of the script easier for the engine we'll be using.

Anyways, here's the first draft of the first few intro scenes:
###Opening Scene Description###
A view outside the window of a train compartment. The angle of the camera is the same as a person would have sitting on the seat next to the window, with their field of view mostly showing the scenery outside the window, passing by as the train moves, but also showing some of the train's comfy 80's-style interior to the right side of the screen. A suitcase is sitting on the seat in front of you.
Characteristic train clackering noises can be heard as the scene and the audio phases in. Initially, the camera only shows the lower 1/4th of the scene in a slanted manner.
###Opening Scene Description###

„*yawn*“
„{i}Hm?{/i}“
„Something has woken you up. You're not quite sure why, or what it even was, but something disturbed your sleep.“
„.{w=0.5}.{w=0.5}.{w=0.5}kind of rude.“
„You blink your eyes a few times, let out another yawn, and then slowly start to shift back up into a more normal sitting position.“
###Image tweaking that reveals the entire scene###
„{i}It's not even that long of a way to Montreal... {w=1.0} How could I have fallen asleep like that?{/i}“
„Suddenly, you snap awake.“
„{i}Oh damn oh damn oh d- we haven't already driven past it, right?{/i}“
„You turn around to ask whoever it was that woke you, but- noone is standing or sitting next to you.“
You „Wha-?“
„While it's releaving to see that all your suitcases are still with you, you can't help but pondering what it was that woke you. {w=1.0} Premonition, maybe?“
„Naah, you don't believe in that kind of stuff-“
Announcer „Next stop: Montreal central station!“
„.{w=0.5}.{w=0.5}.“
„{i}Well, better get ready to get off, then...{/i}“
„With a slight grunt, you force your still tired self to get up and gather your things that are strewn across the cabin – two suitcases, a backpack and a bottle of Mounman Dew. You ain't goin' nowhere without your Dew!!!“
###Scene fades to black with train brakes SFX###
###Fade-in to station scene (looking something like this: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... on.jpg)###
Alllllright..... {w=1.0}Where the heck do I have to go again???
„For a few minutes, you wander across the station terminal aimlessly. All you know is that you're looking for an 'Orange line'. {w=1.0}You're not even sure what that means! Should've probably looked that up beforehand, dummy.“
„Suddenly, you notice a young guy standing before you. He looks almost equally confused as you, but...“
###KobaBeach fade-in###

If m=1:
Lion-Guy „Welcome to the battlefield, brother.“

else
Lion-Guy „Welcome to the battlefield, sister.“

Huh?
Lion-Guy „It's a hard time nowadays. {w=1.0}With that public transport and all. {w=1.0} Nobody knows where to go anymore! It's friggen crazy.“
W-w-why is he wearing that...?
Lion-Guy „I need help, you need help. We're both going to the Uni, no?“
You „H-how do you know?“
„Finally, you manage to bring out some words. His appearance simply baffled you too much to let you form any clear thoughts for a while. Why is this... clearly grown up guy wearing a... lion (?) suit?“
###KobaBeach laughing###
###KobaBeach normal###
Lion-Guy „C'mon, it's clear as day! You have like a million things with you, and the look on your face pretty much says it: 'Gee whiz I sure am happy to have left that dumb ol' community college and moved to Montreal! Now I just gotta find my way to the only english-speaking university in the entire city!'. It's pretty obvious, if you ask me.“
„You shudder at the thought of how correct he was with that guess. {w=0.5}You hope it's a guess, at least.“
You „W-well... You aren't t-that wrong, I guess.“
If m=1:
Lion-Guy „Damn right, man! I might be wearin' a furry costume, but I know how to tell when a bro's in trouble!“
„This 'bro' thing is starting to seriously creep you out... Kinda.“

else:
Lion-Guy „Damn right, lady! I might be wearin' a furry costume, but I know how to tell when a sis is in trouble!“
„This 'sis' thing is starting to seriously creep you out... Kinda.“

„On a second look, it doesn't actually seem that he's your age. In fact, it seems he's a good 4 years or so younger!“
You „Wait, so... you're going to university too...? But, aren't you, like... young-ish?“
###KobaBeach laughing###
###KobaBeach normal###
Lion-Guy „Well, I get that often, I guess. {w=0.5}It's not completely wrong, either! I'm 17.“
„You almost don't dare to ask, but then you find yourself doing it anyway.“
You „And what's up with that outfit?“
Lion-Guy „Oh, this? {w=2.0}Well it's my pyjamas, of course!“
„Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh?“
Lion-Guy „Well I have all my clothes packed in my suitcase! What else am I supposed to wear?“
„{i}Fair enou- WAIT THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS!{/i}“
Lion-Guy „Besides, I really... really like... Leomon.“
menu:
„Who is Leomon?“
jump leo-ending

„Anyways, do you know the way to Uni or not?“
jump goto-uni

label leo-ending:
„Upon hearing your question, the guy's eyes widen and he seems to get... very excited.“
Lion-Guy „Y-you haven't heard of Leomon yet?“
„{w=2.0}...no?“
Lion-Guy „OH BOY!“
###Fadeout to black###
###Street scene BG###
„You end up spending the rest of the day listening to the weird lion guy ramble on and swoon over who- or whatever 'Leomon' is while the two of you ask their way through to the university. Everytime you try bringing up another conversational topic, he somehow finds a way to relate it to Leomon and begin his monologue about him again.“
„And with each passing minute, it gets creepier... and creepier... and creepier. {w=0.5}His obsession with this character that, as you learn, is apparently a digimon, is outright insane. It feels like the more you allow him to talk about this guy, the longer your trip to the uni is going to take.“
„Just as you're about to interrupt him to finally tell him to shut up, you notice something... The people around you – no, not just the people... Everything has stopped moving! E-except for you two?“
„Then, you realize. {w=1.0} It's too late now. {w=0.5} His fanboying has become so strong that it broke the spacetime continuum. Now you will be trapped together with him in this place, forever, listening to his rants about Leomon, his fur, the way he wished to be touched all over by manly, gentle paws-“
###BAD END Background###
menu:
„What? 'Bad End'??? I only got to make ONE CHOICE so far!!! How can that lead to a bad end?!“:
jump naive

label naive:
„My, my, aren't you naive? This is the Talkhaus Visual Novel. You should know, just from that premise, that there can't be any good ends!“
menu:
„Does that mean I need to restart everything???“:
jump yup

label yup:
„Yup, sorry.“
Menu:
„Can't I get a second chance... pweeeaaase?“:
jump fine

„Ugh, allright then...“:
return

label fine:
„Well, if you ask me like that... I guess it was kind of a cheap shot from our end... But next time, no more excuses, okay? {w=1.0}Now away with you, I'm busy writing the actual story here.“
Jump goto-uni

label goto-uni:
Lion-Guy „The way to the uni? Sure! Ummm... in theory, anyways.“
You „In... theory?“
Lion-Guy „Well, you see, the guys at the info desk gave me a map and a bus timetable and all... {w=0.5} But I kinda forgot to ask where the buses leave from!“
*SFX shocked*
You „W-well why didn't you go back to ask them???“
„He looks at you in disbelief.“
Lion-Guy „Now that would just be awkward, wouldn't it?“
„You sigh.“
You „Fine, let {i}me{/i} ask them, then. Where is that info desk?“
Lion-Guy „At the very end of the hall! Good luck!“
„...{w=1.0} You briefly consider commenting how this isn't going to be as big of a deal as he thinks it will, but decide that saying anything else will just take up more time than it's worth, so you just close with a 'Be right back!' and head for the info counter.“
„You spend about 5 minutes waiting in line, get the information you need, and then head back to where the Lion guy and your luggage were. Now that you think about it, you haven't even asked for his name yet!“
You „'Thanks for watching my stuff! The bus terminal's outside and across the street apparently. Oh, by the way... What's your name?'“
Koba „Ah yes, it seemed like you forgot asking about that. It's a bit complicated, but you can just call me Koba.“
You „Sure thing!“
If you're an artist, please contact me if you're interested in drawing characters/backgrounds/etc. for the introduction section of the story!
Septentrion Pleiades
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread (UPDATE)

Post by Septentrion Pleiades »

That draft is a bit hard to read. While showing how to code something is important, writing is what we need to focus on. A video to show what this code would actually look like would be be handy. Do you have this working in the game?

I think it's sort of odd to have Kobabeach introduce in the intro like he was some sort of Ron Weasley.
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Aposke
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread (UPDATE)

Post by Aposke »

Septentrion Pleiades wrote:That draft is a bit hard to read. While showing how to code something is important, writing is what we need to focus on.
It's not "showing how to code something", it's how the writers will have to write their scripts unless we find someone who's willing to do the painstaking work of literally translating the script line-for-line into RenPy language.
Septentrion Pleiades wrote:A video to show what this code would actually look like would be be handy. Do you have this working in the game?
There's millions of them on Youtube. Also, there's this.
Septentrion Pleiades wrote:I think it's sort of odd to have Kobabeach introduce in the intro like he was some sort of Ron Weasley.
What exactly do you mean by this? Do you think he's too awkward?
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Re: The Story and Writing Thread (UPDATE)

Post by KobaBeach »

Aposke wrote: „You end up spending the rest of the day listening to the weird lion guy ramble on and swoon over who- or whatever 'Leomon' is while the two of you ask their way through to the university. Everytime you try bringing up another conversational topic, he somehow finds a way to relate it to Leomon and begin his monologue about him again.“
„And with each passing minute, it gets creepier... and creepier... and creepier. {w=0.5}His obsession with this character that, as you learn, is apparently a digimon, is outright insane. It feels like the more you allow him to talk about this guy, the longer your trip to the uni is going to take.“
„Just as you're about to interrupt him to finally tell him to shut up, you notice something... The people around you – no, not just the people... Everything has stopped moving! E-except for you two?“
„Then, you realize. {w=1.0} It's too late now. {w=0.5} His fanboying has become so strong that it broke the spacetime continuum. Now you will be trapped together with him in this place, forever, listening to his rants about Leomon, his fur, the way he wished to be touched all over by manly, gentle paws-“
###BAD END Background###
THIS IS PERFECT

APOSKE YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON I LOVE YOU (as a friend~♥)
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