A Super Mario Thing - Plot and cutscenes

[yoshicookiezeus]

I was more thinking about something of the lines that the teleportation goes wrong (thus Demo's doubts about the teleport system in the cutscene), and that the weapon that Charles was talking about is some kind of space-time distortion thing, which Demo learns about from the Yoshi resistance force (perhaps they had spies inside Charles's castle?) and after that is trying to get hold of to use it to get home. It isn't quite finished when she defeats Charles, but he activates it anyway in a final act of desperation, and thus accidentally opens the void.

However, I kind of like your idea as well. And using vegetables or something instead of Yoshi eggs in the castle cutscenes is a really good idea. However, I doubt we will be using the original ending, as the Yoshi's House part wouldn't make much sense at all...

[kilon]

I can't believe I haven't seen the black void on the OW before... It opens up after an event right?

Anyway, I like all 3 ideas.
The first issue we need to sort out is how she teleports. Accident, machine or herself?
The ideas are roughly the same for the special world: opens up after KC messes with the space-time thingies. The ideas of messy levels (test)-> raocows levels -> factory (YCZ level) -> final base I like. But is that in correspondence with the level numbers assigned?

Like I said before, I don't think we should overuse the cut-scenes, but a 'meanwhile' couldn't hurt.
Also it shouldn't be that detailed that every level needs two messageboxes to just explain the story.

Oh and an open ending is indeed a must! Not that open that you must make a sequel, but the option should be there.

[Garlyle]

Question!

...What's going on with World The Last anyway? It's T shaped - one way from the castle leads to the Star Road... but another leads to the tower next to the castle...

[yoshicookiezeus]

That tower is just a bonus powerup room. Both it and the star road are unlocked when you beat King Charles' Castle.

[AirPump]

Castle Destruction: Hey dere little egg. You are an egg. And now I'm going to destroy your castle.

[Daze]

Gah... wish I hadn't been cut off from the site for a couple days. Time to catch up on ideas, I guess?

@YCZ: I like the first part of that opening cutscene, with Demo's master sending her out for food. Should we make it a grocery store, or should we make his orders more "go to the supply depots" serious? Either way would be fine enough, I think, since we won't be seeing Demo's master at pretty much any point after that, so we can make him go either way. Are we going to have a sprite for him during the cutscene, or will he be off-screen? Glad to hear King Charles can use the Heavy Press boss, though, if it comes to that.

Also, your cutscene brought King Charles right into the picture, whereas I was imagining the identity of the Big Bad to be unknown until later in the game. What if she crash-lands on some normal Charlie troops, who then decide to "report to the boss"? This would keep in line with the opening you thought of while also keeping their boss's identity a mystery, and it would also add a sort of connection between the Charlies and their true boss. Same thing with the Yoshi House. They could talk of an oppressive king whose been harnessing (no pun intended) the Yoshis. Since it's a semi-major plot point, I don't think we should throw it out right at the start.

re:Food plot -- I like the fact that raocow redesigned the power-ups for us. This makes pushing the food-trappings of the plot much easier, since this IS how the plot starts: Demo retrieving food for her master. I think would help as far as the Yoshis in a couple of ways. Friendly Yoshis would be sympathetic towards her food-related plight, especially of the "oppressive king" has been cutting off the populace outside his control from food. Demo and the Yoshis can help each other out. The Yoshis can also be very chivalric, both willing to die for the cause and willing to help our female Charlie-stomper. Since King Charles is stockpiling all the food, their destination is the same.

re:Teleporter/Out-of-This-World plot -- An idea I had is that perhaps Demo had a portable return-to-base teleporter. The first teleporter is the large, generic teleporter that is a part of her master's base. Somehow, it malfunctions, and the coordinates screw up, resulting in her teleporting to the skies of the Mushroom Kingdom (or at least a ways up in the air). Upon crash-landing on the Charlie troops/King Charles himself, she bolts, but doesn't realize that she's left something very important at the landing site: her return-teleporter. The Charlies/The king discover it after she flees, and this develops into King Charlie developing his own device to expand his rule. After a while, Demo can realize that she's left her return-to-base teleporter (we can possibly relate this in a message block that represents her thoughts, after she thinks she's gathered enough food). Whether we let rumors leak out about the sinister device Charles is creating or just let him reveal it before the final fight, it should be fine either way. Of course, malfunctioning of THIS teleporter causes the Void World. Alternatively, it could be that the instant teleportation becomes the dangerous trek through the void itself (reminds me of Bleach, actually) that FlameOfDoubt came up with.

re:Demo and Mario -- I think Demo should be able to communicate with the Yoshis and the Charlies. It makes things much simpler for us, and she's not gonna be talking a whole lot anyway, from what I can imagine. It's also possible she can communicate with JUST the Yoshis and Charlies (Mushroom Kingdom doesn't need to use just one language, you know). I don't think inability to communicate should play into her fleeing in the opening, though. After falling from a height due to a teleporter malfunction, anyone would bolt from a possibly-hostile group (especially if you fell on them). As for Mario... does he even need to show up at all? Perhaps the Charlie regime has actually managed to contain or defeat Mario, or perhaps he's playing guard at the palace, refusing to leave Princess Peach alone in these dangerous times. He doesn't even need to be referred to by name. The Yoshi Resistance could mention a great warrior that fell/was captured/is defending their Princess. Charles, being a smart guy, would know not to go after the Princess, lest he provoke Mario. If he was captured/killed, his DNA could be used to make Mario-clone enemies, although I'm not sure how well that would work unless we get some good looking sprites. If we make a non-Demo version with Mario, we could make it in an alternate timeline or something, where it is merely the rise of Charles, with Mario expecting Bowser. The source of Void World could similarly be retconned.

Phew. So yeah, sections named for your convenience. Thoughts?

I hope I'm not fleshing this out too much all at once. Really, we only need to worry about the opening, the ending, and a loose fitting for the middle of the story, with a couple revelations here and there. We don't want the story to feel TOO constricting, although we'd hafta try pretty hard to make it that heavy.

EDIT: Even more stuff! I'm sorry for adding to an already formidable wall of text. x_x

Anyways, I just realized I never referenced Bowser. I'm thinking that perhaps the Charlies, discontented with Bowser's rule, actually managed overthrow and contain him. The existance of the Bowser Statue Factory in the Void World could be that King Charles used magic/a prototype of the device he develops with Demo's technology to test his power, and did so on a target that would be symbolic: The Bowser Statue Factory. This could be well after King Charles has overthrown Bowser, and he merely uses it to demonstrate his power after acquiring Demo's return-teleporter.

[kilon]

~wall of text~

Demo's Master: what if we let him in the shadows instead of KC. That way the player might think he is a bad guy and that may give an opening towards a sequel on Demo's home planet. (hence different OW)

Food: food in general actually makes a bit more sense, but I think it's so much nicer if this all starts with such a small detail as gathering vegetables. fits in great with raocow as well.
The connection with the Yoshis makes sense. They are merely good for eating.

Teleport issues: It is indeed easy to lose a portable teleporter when you don;t have arms. A necklace could do the trick. And it's so small that in the opening cut-scene is can easily be added or just left behind since it's that detailed.

I got the idea that the majority agrees that KC somehow gets a teleporter device and starts playing around with it what brings us to the special world eventually.

Mario doesn't quite fit into the story. At least not as a sprite. Maybe we talk about 100 years in the future and is Mario just a great warrior like daze said. A statue of him at yoshis house?
That could also explain the bowser statues factory: KC sees the legendary Bowser as his big example.


So we have 2 major story lines:
1. gathering food/vegetables
2. quest for teleporter/teleporting back that brings Demo to Void World
where 2. doesn't quite come into play until at least after world 1 I assume.

[flameofdoubt]

i really like some of this fleshing out, hopefully we'll be able to convey this with cutscenes or message boxes without it being too wordy.

Anyone else thinking throw boswer into the void special world even though he was dethroned or something before they had that technology? He should be SOMEWHERE. Unless he's just referenced in texts like the "great hero who fell" idea.

[yoshicookiezeus]

I like the first part of that opening cutscene, with Demo's master sending her out for food. Should we make it a grocery store, or should we make his orders more "go to the supply depots" serious? Either way would be fine enough, I think, since we won't be seeing Demo's master at pretty much any point after that, so we can make him go either way. Are we going to have a sprite for him during the cutscene, or will he be off-screen? Glad to hear King Charles can use the Heavy Press boss, though, if it comes to that.

I am kind of partial to the grocery store version, just for the sheer absurdity of it. Demo's master is sitting in his base, waiting for the new supplies to arrive (I have drawn some spaceship interior/high-technological base-esque graphics to use as a background for that part of the cutscene), but he is so impatient that he can't wait another hour, but rather sends out one of his minions to get him something to eat.
And I don't think that you should actually see her master during the cutscene. I am not sure why... It just seems more fitting, somehow.

Also, your cutscene brought King Charles right into the picture, whereas I was imagining the identity of the Big Bad to be unknown until later in the game. What if she crash-lands on some normal Charlie troops, who then decide to "report to the boss"? This would keep in line with the opening you thought of while also keeping their boss's identity a mystery, and it would also add a sort of connection between the Charlies and their true boss. Same thing with the Yoshi House. They could talk of an oppressive king whose been harnessing (no pun intended) the Yoshis. Since it's a semi-major plot point, I don't think we should throw it out right at the start.

Seems good to me. Now that I think about it, keeping the exact identity of the antagonist hidden seems like it would make more sense.

re:Food plot -- I like the fact that raocow redesigned the power-ups for us. This makes pushing the food-trappings of the plot much easier, since this IS how the plot starts: Demo retrieving food for her master. I think would help as far as the Yoshis in a couple of ways. Friendly Yoshis would be sympathetic towards her food-related plight, especially of the "oppressive king" has been cutting off the populace outside his control from food. Demo and the Yoshis can help each other out. The Yoshis can also be very chivalric, both willing to die for the cause and willing to help our female Charlie-stomper. Since King Charles is stockpiling all the food, their destination is the same.

An explanation why some of the Yoshis would be on Demo's side. Perfect.

re:Teleporter/Out-of-This-World plot -- An idea I had is that perhaps Demo had a portable return-to-base teleporter. The first teleporter is the large, generic teleporter that is a part of her master's base. Somehow, it malfunctions, and the coordinates screw up, resulting in her teleporting to the skies of the Mushroom Kingdom (or at least a ways up in the air). Upon crash-landing on the Charlie troops/King Charles himself, she bolts, but doesn't realize that she's left something very important at the landing site: her return-teleporter. The Charlies/The king discover it after she flees, and this develops into King Charlie developing his own device to expand his rule. After a while, Demo can realize that she's left her return-to-base teleporter (we can possibly relate this in a message block that represents her thoughts, after she thinks she's gathered enough food). Whether we let rumors leak out about the sinister device Charles is creating or just let him reveal it before the final fight, it should be fine either way. Of course, malfunctioning of THIS teleporter causes the Void World. Alternatively, it could be that the instant teleportation becomes the dangerous trek through the void itself (reminds me of Bleach, actually) that FlameOfDoubt came up with.

...and an explanation of how Charles gets technology powerful enough to warp the fabric of space itself. You have really thought this through, haven't you?

re:Demo and Mario -- I think Demo should be able to communicate with the Yoshis and the Charlies. It makes things much simpler for us, and she's not gonna be talking a whole lot anyway, from what I can imagine. It's also possible she can communicate with JUST the Yoshis and Charlies (Mushroom Kingdom doesn't need to use just one language, you know). I don't think inability to communicate should play into her fleeing in the opening, though. After falling from a height due to a teleporter malfunction, anyone would bolt from a possibly-hostile group (especially if you fell on them). As for Mario... does he even need to show up at all? Perhaps the Charlie regime has actually managed to contain or defeat Mario, or perhaps he's playing guard at the palace, refusing to leave Princess Peach alone in these dangerous times. He doesn't even need to be referred to by name. The Yoshi Resistance could mention a great warrior that fell/was captured/is defending their Princess. Charles, being a smart guy, would know not to go after the Princess, lest he provoke Mario. If he was captured/killed, his DNA could be used to make Mario-clone enemies, although I'm not sure how well that would work unless we get some good looking sprites. If we make a non-Demo version with Mario, we could make it in an alternate timeline or something, where it is merely the rise of Charles, with Mario expecting Bowser. The source of Void World could similarly be retconned.

I think I prefer the "guarding the princess" version. Perhaps Mario has finally realized that it would be easier and safer to wait for the bad guys to come to him, instead of fighting through the entire Mushroom Kingdom in order to get to them.

Anyways, I just realized I never referenced Bowser. I'm thinking that perhaps the Charlies, discontented with Bowser's rule, actually managed overthrow and contain him. The existance of the Bowser Statue Factory in the Void World could be that King Charles used magic/a prototype of the device he develops with Demo's technology to test his power, and did so on a target that would be symbolic: The Bowser Statue Factory. This could be well after King Charles has overthrown Bowser, and he merely uses it to demonstrate his power after acquiring Demo's return-teleporter.

I actually had another explanation of the Void world levels in mind. I am considering adding an island in the middle of the overworld, at the future location of the Void. During most of the game, it just sits there, completely unreachable, but when King Charles activates the unfinished device he was developing from Demo's teleporter, the island becomes the unintended target. The locations on the island still remain, but in a changed, twisted form.

I hope I'm not fleshing this out too much all at once.

No, not at all. The more input, the better. Even if everything won't be in the final hack, writing the cutscenes is much easier if you have the complete back story.

[Daze]

I am kind of partial to the grocery store version, just for the sheer absurdity of it. Demo's master is sitting in his base, waiting for the new supplies to arrive (I have drawn some spaceship interior/high-technological base-esque graphics to use as a background for that part of the cutscene), but he is so impatient that he can't wait another hour, but rather sends out one of his minions to get him something to eat.
And I don't think that you should actually see her master during the cutscene. I am not sure why... It just seems more fitting, somehow.

Actually, yeah, that seems like it would play out pretty well. It clicks with the mood of the Mario universe, too. As for off-screen master, that'll keep someone from having to make the sprite, and it'll let the player imagine him. Could we at least have a non-descript shadow or something, though, if it's possible with Mario graphics? I just feel kinda bad having Demo talk to herself.

An explanation why some of the Yoshis would be on Demo's side. Perfect.

Also (since I forgot to mention them before), I was thinking that the Yoshis on Charles' side would, largely, still be the oppressed, spiritually beaten subjects of the monarch. It wouldn't be so much that they're bad Yoshis... if they wish to eat/live, they have no real choice but to submit. Charles' rule may have lasted long enough that Yoshis that aren't part of the resistance no longer have thoughts of escape or rebellion, even if they are unhappy. I think I may have mentioned this before, but brainwashed Yoshis would also make sense, since Yoshis are generally more docile creatures. Indoctrination happens, even where you least expect it. (Long live the King? He needs some rousing cheer.)

...and an explanation of how Charles gets technology powerful enough to warp the fabric of space itself. You have really thought this through, haven't you?

Kinda, yeah. lol I mainly just took the ideas that were around and ran with them. My imagination can be crazy sometimes. XD Thanks, though. I wanted to be a help, and since I've never messed with Lunar Magic before... this is the best way. :)

I think I prefer the "guarding the princess" version. Perhaps Mario has finally realized that it would be easier and safer to wait for the bad guys to come to him, instead of fighting through the entire Mushroom Kingdom in order to get to them.

Mario doesn't quite fit into the story. At least not as a sprite. Maybe we talk about 100 years in the future and is Mario just a great warrior like daze said. A statue of him at yoshis house?
That could also explain the bowser statues factory: KC sees the legendary Bowser as his big example.

Kilon's idea is something I didn't think about... I was imagining a near future where Bowser is overthrown and Mario defeated/isn't taking initiative: the resistance fights on without him. Maybe the course of a few months or a year or so since "normal" events for the Mushroom Kingdom. But what if it was the distant-ish future, where both Mario and Bowser are gone by natural causes?

Actually, what about something like this: Many years have passed since "normal" SMW. Bowser falls, and in the power vacuum left behind, a Charlie emerges to become King Charles, to continue the rule. (No idea where the Koopa Kids have gone. Maybe they were vying for power amongst themselves and didn't notice Charles until he was too powerful.) Mario tries to stand against him, but in his old age, is unable to do much and either falls in battle or isolates himself hermit-style. Perhaps because he was unable to stop the enslavement of most of the Yoshis? (If hermit-style, perhaps he could have a meeting with Demo? Might be pushing the cutscenes, though. For a story, it would be awesome, but it might be better if he doesn't make an appearance as far as the game.) Either way, Yoshi resistance rises up following the loss of Mario. However, despite their efforts, they seem to be losing ground. And then, just when Charles' rule seems complete... an unexpected visitor arrives with the ability to challenge his rule. If only she could be persuaded.

Now, that does seem like a long exposition... and there's a difference between story and backstory. Either the "recent" idea I initially or the "Mario and Bowser in the history books" idea that Kilon had are probably best, out of the three. But if anyone has any objections, feel free to speak. Is it within our limitations to make a story like that?

I actually had another explanation of the Void world levels in mind. I am considering adding an island in the middle of the overworld, at the future location of the Void. During most of the game, it just sits there, completely unreachable, but when King Charles activates the unfinished device he was developing from Demo's teleporter, the island becomes the unintended target. The locations on the island still remain, but in a changed, twisted form.

Ahh, I see. So the Bowser Statue Factory would be a vestige of Bowser's old empire, not yet removed by Charlie (or perhaps kept in memorial of him?). That sounds like a pretty good idea. I like it.

I hope I'm not fleshing this out too much all at once.

No, not at all. The more input, the better. Even if everything won't be in the final hack, writing the cutscenes is much easier if you have the complete back story.

This is true! It's just a matter of deciding what should be included and what shouldn't. Which is what this thread is here to help us do. Sorry for the continued walls of text, though. XD

Still, as I said above, I wonder about the limitations of story vs. game. What should we make our limit, as far as cutscenes or story-telling message blocks? Like FlameOfDoubt said, wordiness in a Mario game isn't the best (which was my problem with the extensive backstory as far as Mario and Bowser). Also, what are the technical limitations? Would multiple small cutscenes be a larger technical problem than two or three larger ones?

[kilon]

Actually, yeah, that seems like it would play out pretty well. It clicks with the mood of the Mario universe, too. As for off-screen master, that'll keep someone from having to make the sprite, and it'll let the player imagine him. Could we at least have a non-descript shadow or something, though, if it's possible with Mario graphics? I just feel kinda bad having Demo talk to herself.

You're right. That's better. For the Master we could just show the back of a chair. That's how in normally goes. (or some other absurd way, but something like that)

Also (since I forgot to mention them before), I was thinking that the Yoshis on Charles' side would, largely, still be the oppressed, spiritually beaten subjects of the monarch. It wouldn't be so much that they're bad Yoshis... if they wish to eat/live, they have no real choice but to submit. Charles' rule may have lasted long enough that Yoshis that aren't part of the resistance no longer have thoughts of escape or rebellion, even if they are unhappy. I think I may have mentioned this before, but brainwashed Yoshis would also make sense, since Yoshis are generally more docile creatures. Indoctrination happens, even where you least expect it. (Long live the King? He needs some rousing cheer.)

Yes. Perfect. Although I don't quite understand what you mean with that KC needs some rousing cheer. Every time that he speaks, there should be cheers or something? Comedy style?

Kilon's idea is something I didn't think about... I was imagining a near future where Bowser is overthrown and Mario defeated/isn't taking initiative: the resistance fights on without him. Maybe the course of a few months or a year or so since "normal" events for the Mushroom Kingdom. But what if it was the distant-ish future, where both Mario and Bowser are gone by natural causes?

I thought, since all sprites are changed (except charlie and yoshi (except for the charlie helmet) we're talking about a future where through evolution creatures have changed.

Might be pushing the cutscenes, though. For a story, it would be awesome, but it might be better if he doesn't make an appearance as far as the game.)

We really need to make a special edition with the complete story including back stories included

Now, that does seem like a long exposition... and there's a difference between story and backstory. Either the "recent" idea I initially or the "Mario and Bowser in the history books" idea that Kilon had are probably best, out of the three. But if anyone has any objections, feel free to speak. Is it within our limitations to make a story like that?

Either way, it shouldn't be mentioned any longer than a couple of lines.

I actually had another explanation of the Void world levels in mind. I am considering adding an island in the middle of the overworld, at the future location of the Void. During most of the game, it just sits there, completely unreachable, but when King Charles activates the unfinished device he was developing from Demo's teleporter, the island becomes the unintended target. The locations on the island still remain, but in a changed, twisted form.

That could be nice. Especially if raocow constantly things he ends up there. Probably not going to work that way, but I like it. Makes more sense. Although with a black void you can do more with things that where sucked up in it. Like a wormhole in space.

[Fawriel]

Little idea: I think Demo should be a silent protagonist. If there's an opening cutscene in which her boss (who should, in my opinion, just be called "The Boss") sends her out on a mission, she should reply in nothing but facial expressions.

Of course, smilies with just one eye wouldn't be terribly evocative. Is it possible to make custom sprites for her expressions? I think that could be a valuable introduction into her character, making clearly visible what she is, and setting a certain mood... Writing dialogue for her is risky anyway, because you risk either making her personality generic and boring, or completely missing the point of her character in an attempt to make the dialogue more interesting...

[Shanara]

Kilon's idea is something I didn't think about... I was imagining a near future where Bowser is overthrown and Mario defeated/isn't taking initiative: the resistance fights on without him. Maybe the course of a few months or a year or so since "normal" events for the Mushroom Kingdom. But what if it was the distant-ish future, where both Mario and Bowser are gone by natural causes?

Actually, what about something like this: Many years have passed since "normal" SMW. Bowser falls, and in the power vacuum left behind, a Charlie emerges to become King Charles, to continue the rule. (No idea where the Koopa Kids have gone. Maybe they were vying for power amongst themselves and didn't notice Charles until he was too powerful.) Mario tries to stand against him, but in his old age, is unable to do much and either falls in battle or isolates himself hermit-style. Perhaps because he was unable to stop the enslavement of most of the Yoshis? (If hermit-style, perhaps he could have a meeting with Demo? Might be pushing the cutscenes, though. For a story, it would be awesome, but it might be better if he doesn't make an appearance as far as the game.) Either way, Yoshi resistance rises up following the loss of Mario. However, despite their efforts, they seem to be losing ground. And then, just when Charles' rule seems complete... an unexpected visitor arrives with the ability to challenge his rule. If only she could be persuaded.

Now, that does seem like a long exposition... and there's a difference between story and backstory. Either the "recent" idea I initially or the "Mario and Bowser in the history books" idea that Kilon had are probably best, out of the three. But if anyone has any objections, feel free to speak. Is it within our limitations to make a story like that?

Maybe I'm a little tad too influenced by cRPGs, like Tales of Phantasia, but I can totally see how a pre-stage, just before the cutscene/prologue... or even the demo at the begining, could be of a decrepit Mario trying to fight King Charliem but failing due to old age (i.e. almost no jump, slow movements... that is, a imposible to win battle).

This would have 2 effects: It solidly conveys the message that King Koopa died, and KC is the new Big Bad. And also conveys the message that some time has passed, and Mario's no longer around. And it would do all these without any need of long blocks of text/cutscenesm as well as give you guys a reference point for all those events in the backstory of the world.

Little details like this is what make a graphic-swap from mario a completly different game, instead just an elaborated romhack.

ALSO, it can be converted into a TAKE THAT toward SMC (dialogue from KC "Oh, so the Central Figure of my opposition comes here, at last!"), and the VIPS ("Time to die you nooB")... which are itself pretty in-joke-y, but I think everyone could understand that without too much hardship.

[yoshicookiezeus]

I finished a beta version of the first part of the intro cutscene.

Video link

Comments?

[Argumentable]

I really really really hope you're not using that background for the title screen

Also Demo has a "return teleporter" maybe the chucks can steal it so she has more of a reason to fight them, and after she beats them at the end and tries to use it its been tampered with and opens that void? I don't know if this was your plan

[Kil]

Looks awesome. I wonder, do you have the ability to change music in the middle there when it switches to the chucks?

[Garlyle]

Also Demo has a "return teleporter" maybe the chucks can steal it so she has more of a reason to fight them, and after she beats them at the end and tries to use it its been tampered with and opens that void? I don't know if this was your plan

As you probably didn't fully read the TL;DR posts up above (And I don't blame you it's way too early in the morning), yes, that seems to be the plan.

[Alex-R]

So if the name Demo wins, I thought it would be funny if her master mentioned that Demo is a silly and too "in jokey" name.

[TwilightArts]

So if the name Demo wins, I thought it would be funny if her master mentioned that Demo is a silly and too "in jokey" name.

Good idea, we should do that. I happens sometimes in other games too, and I still have to smile when your supposed to enter a name and end up with something like: "What a strange name". Sounds funny to me.

[Argumentable]

As you probably didn't fully read the TL;DR posts up above (And I don't blame you it's way too early in the morning), yes, that seems to be the plan.

I read it, I just forgot (or didn't cause I said the same thing)

What is wrong with me this week?

[kilon]

I finished a beta version of the first part of the intro cutscene.

Video link

Comments?

1. Now that this hack evolved beyond 'just a hack', maybe improve the opening screen (Hey there everyone)
2. Title screen needs to be changed (obviously). Maybe Demo stnading in the center with a yoshi at the right and a Charlie at the left and some vegetables and a teleporter? Not good I know, but that is at least one thing that needs to be changed.
3. Title needs to be changed. First of all because of the name of the character. secondly because this looks to noobish. Wasn't someone making a font for this?
4. Demo in the sky. Her comments aren't exactly of someone about to fall (cartoon style). Maybe add a "wait... uh-oh." or something like that

Other than that it looks good for a first impression. I really hope the music can be changed mid-scene as well.

And a fleet attacking her planet makes me think. When she arrives back home after the game, either there is a new ruler (good opening for a sequel) or everything is normal, except one tiny thing (don't know what, but could be good for a sequel as well)

[cheez8]

4. Demo in the sky. Her comments aren't exactly of someone about to fall (cartoon style). Maybe add a "wait... uh-oh." or something like that.

Actually, I liked that part. I thought it was one of the funniest parts along with the idiot soldier charlie. Mainly the line, "This looks nothing like a grocery store." Slight understatement right there. I was sort of expecting her to notice that she's about to fall in the next line of text too, so in terms of cartoon style, it looks fine to me. Cartoons do sometimes float when they're oblivious to the fact that they're floating.

[flameofdoubt]

Just as a forenote i really like the backgrounds during the cutscene.
While the dialogue is all important stuff, there is rather a lot of it, even when it's unfinished. Is there any way we could compress it down and make it less expositiony? Also are we doing away with the silent protagonist idea for the main charachter?

How about dialogue as short as:
Hungry Guy: Minion! Teleport to the grocery store. I'm hungry!
"Demo" jumps off chair
Cut to teleport room
Computer Voice: Teleporter safe with 98% certainty
D teleports
CV: Give or take..
big letters: The Mushroom Kingdom
Squadron of Charlies with Captain
random Charlie: Damn rebellion, how are they still alive. We took all the food!
Captain Charlie: Quiet in back! You never know when and from where the enemy could appear!
Demo drops in, the charlies scatter
D: I'd like some shallots, a bag of potatoes and have you got any radishes?
All Charlies: ...
CC: Get her!
D: Augh!
Demo runs, drops teleport.

[kilon]

4. Demo in the sky. Her comments aren't exactly of someone about to fall (cartoon style). Maybe add a "wait... uh-oh." or something like that.

Actually, I liked that part. I thought it was one of the funniest parts along with the idiot soldier charlie. Mainly the line, "This looks nothing like a grocery store." Slight understatement right there. I was sort of expecting her to notice that she's about to fall in the next line of text too, so in terms of cartoon style, it looks fine to me. Cartoons do sometimes float when they're oblivious to the fact that they're floating.

My point is that it cuts of so rapidly after she said that. 'Now where am I' is good to end with, but what happens next? Is she slowly floating down, or falling? I know it's not possible to show her falling in cutscenes, but her realizing that she IS about to fall would do the trick.

And do we go for Yoshi Resistance Force? YRF short?, or is there another suggestion. Something really rebellious.

[ultratowel112]

And do we go for Yoshi Resistance Force? YRF short?, or is there another suggestion. Something really rebellious.

We could probably mention Yoshi Resistance Force sometime near the beginning, and just call it "The Resistance" afterwords.