Talkhausmon: A Dating RPG Contest Thing

[Clamestarebla]

Inaccurate


I would never give away my Milotic gijinka.

[Septentrion Pleiades]

Inaccurate


I would never give away my Milotic gijinka.

Fixed. You now practice eugenics on ambigiously human creatures.

[Clamestarebla]

Thanks, I appreciate it very much.

[Septentrion Pleiades]

Chapter 2: The Feminist Weapon

You, Uberbeach, Milotic, and Clamestarebla were standing in the middle of the stadium. You are giving your already long-running acceptance speech. Such is require for world champion.

"i have travel far and wide, and i've became a master of insert mon type here," you said reading the speech, "but i've could not have gotten here without my friends and the support of all my insert mon type here.

"now we you all bow your heads in prayer," you read, "dear god and lord jesus we ask of you today to give this great nation fewer droughts and less natural disasters and give you blessings to our sponsor mountain dew and to give your guidance in these times in the name of our god lord jesus amen god bless america oh look it's the last page."

The crowd erupted in cheers as you finished the speech, and then a giant hovering warship entered the stadium.

"What's this hovering warship doing here? It wasn't on the schedule," said the lead organizer.

You continue to speak into the microphone to the whole stadium.

"I would like to thank Uberbeach, my first talkhausmon who curb-stomped a lot of gym leaders. I would also like to thank Melotic who defeated all the thing Uberbeach didn't. I didn't actually use the rest of my party. I would also like to thank Clamestarebla who lent me his Milotic. Also, ningamer for learning all the HMs. Seriously, who puts a bunch of cutable tree in the middle of I-5?"

There was silence. You then look up and see the hovering warship pointing a ray gun cannon in your general direction.

"What the Hell?" said melotic.

"Melotic, I did not train you to speak like that. Face giant futuristic military weaponry with some dignity." Clamestarebla siad.

Suddenly, a giant holographic image of Horikawa Otane appear.

"Attention world: while you were distracted by the talkhausmon championship, I have capture all the important world leaders: The Emperor of China, Vladamir Putin, President Clinton(no relation, I swear), Supreme Court Justice Hobby Lobby. I will use my futuristic military warships piloted by Rena Talkhausmons to enforce my rule. All nations must submit to my feminist ideals or face direct military action."

"No nation is going to give that easily," you yelled.

"I just got word in that the EU just surrendered on behalf of all the nations,," Horikawa said, "and I didn't even kidnapped any of their leaders. Soon the rest of the world will fall."

Suddenly a swarm of fighters attack the warship, but all of the missiles and bullets phased through the warship.

Clamestarebla whispered, "We have to save the president. She'll know how to beat magic feminist warships. She's an expert with those."

"We aren't really in the position to save anyone," you said.

"Now all of the world will tremble in fear of my Breast Averagizer Ray!"

"Wait, that's the weapon that's pointed at us?" you asked.

"I still wouldn't want to be hit by that," Melotic said putting her arms in front of her fairly large boobs as if shielding them.

"You want to enforce a feminist world order, using a cosmetic tool that's only effective against some women, as a weapon?" you question.

"You go to war with the army you have, not the army you would like to have" Horikawa said.

The ray gun cannon thing turned to pointed at Melotic.

"Also, it disintegrates men entirely!" Horikawa said.

Next Part

[O'Largill]

*cheering* horikawa, shes our girl, if she cant do it, fuck the world, horikawa, shes our girl, if she cant do i

[KobaBeach]

magic feminist warships

Shine on you crazy diamond

[Septentrion Pleiades]

The four of you stood in fear while Horikawa had her US averagizer ray pointed at Milotic. She was just an innocent gijinka girl who didn't deserve to have her breasts turn average size by a crazy fanatic. The Ray cannon charged up and fired a blast at Milotic. You did the honorable thing and jumped and front of the ray beam block it from reaching Milotic.

"No," you yell as the beam hit you you collapse in for a melotic who asked you why and you responded, "it would have been affected you more than it affected me."

You moved to get up and felt a piece of fabric breaking which can only be your bra strap breaking. Then you realized your breast were actually bigger

Back in Horikawa's corporate HQ in Canada.

"Damn it," Horikawa said, "I forgot about fat people. Fat people are always ruining averages. I should have based my weapon on medium breast size and not average. Now my entire fleet is useless."

"But as a standard feminist weapon, you can still disintegrate all the males," Rena-mon said over the radio.

"That's not good enough."

Back in America.

"Are you okay?" Clemastable siad.

"Yeah, but I don't understand what happened," you said, "Shouldn't my boobs be smaller than this if they are average? They are actually bigger than they were."

"I think fat people bring up the average," Clemestable said.

"I suppose that makes sense. I hope there's a way to put them back to normal," you said.

"Why would you want to do that? They aren't horribly big," Melotic said.

"Because of status quo. You have to maintain the status quo," you said.

"I dont' understand that reasoning," Melotic said, "But can we at least use you as a shield from the weapon until we save the world."

"Melotic, the status quo is very important," Clemastable said.

"Okay, fine," Melotic said, "It's not my choice to make, so I don't have to agree with your reasoning."

"Now that we have everything is sorted out, let's go save the world!" you said but then you noticed Uberbeach looked bewildered. "Is there something wrong Uberbeach?"

"MC's a girl?" he said.

"Well, yeah," you said.

"But, then how can I explain my feelings towards you? It doesn't make any sense," Uberbeach said.

"No one is 100% gay," you said.

"That's only true about straight people," Uberbeach said.

Suddenly, the two of you starting making out. Uberbeach put his hands on your feminine and non-furry back while sucking passionately on your your feminine and non-furry lips. His hand moved to your your feminine and non-furry ass while stroking your feminine and non-furry neck. You put your feminine and non-furry arms tight around his torso while Uberbeach picked you up from your feminine and non-furry feet.

"But i don't understand," he said before being interrupted by your feminine and non-furry tongue going down his throat.

"Love doesn't have to make sense. You should read my Garak/Bashir Star Trek fanfiction. Or maybe you should just watch cannon Star Trek because it makes less sense," you said looking at him with your feminine and non-furry eyes.

Then, a alarm came from the Magic Feminist Warship.

"SELF DESTRUCT IN 5 MINUTES"

"Crap we have to get out of here," you said jumping on Uberbeach's back with your feminine and non-furry body, "Save me Uberbeach. I can't run fast because my feminine and non-furry bra is broken and my feminine and non-furry boobs now weigh too much to run."

Everyone in the stadium ran away.

Next Post

[Clamestarebla]

Did you remember to mention that the main character is not a furry somewhere in that part? I feel like it should be clearly mentionned in order for the reader to fully understand this deep and complex story. Not everyone is able to read between the lines and completely immerse themselves in the rich universe that you are creating you know.

[Unaniem]

Why the heck is the main character a furry all of a sudden'
this isn't clear at all

[Septentrion Pleiades]

Why the heck is the main character a furry all of a sudden'
this isn't clear at all

Non-furry

Did you remember to mention that the main character is not a furry somewhere in that part? I feel like it should be clearly mentionned in order for the reader to fully understand this deep and complex story. Not everyone is able to read between the lines and completely immerse themselves in the rich universe that you are creating you know.

I did it because kobabeach is a furry, thus subverting romantic expectations.

[KobaBeach]

please do not de-canonize my homosexuality

at least make me bisexual or pansexual or biromantic/panromantic asexual or whatever k

[Clamestarebla]

[Love Sign] Heterosexuality

Unleash your full power. Do it. Do it with with a burning passion! AND NOW WE FIGHT! FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

[KobaBeach]

[Love Sign] Heterosexuality

Unleash your full power. Do it. Do it with with a burning passion! AND NOW WE FIGHT! FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

This shit isn't funny

Did you remember to mention that the main character is not a furry somewhere in that part? I feel like it should be clearly mentionned in order for the reader to fully understand this deep and complex story. Not everyone is able to read between the lines and completely immerse themselves in the rich universe that you are creating you know.

I did it because kobabeach is a furry, thus subverting romantic expectations.

Please stop

Have her date Clam or Milotic or w/e

Or write me as bi or something at least

[Clamestarebla]

So you are pissed at a joke friendfic that involves you (a furry) kissing a non-existing female-being? All of that because you are gay (or homosexual if that's the term you prefer (just tell me which you prefer btw, would be nice to know for future reference)) and take offence to dating this non-existing being of the opposite gender in the context of this "meant to be creepy"/joke story.

Congrats, you are stupider than I thought.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

[O'Largill]

yo. yo clam.
shut the fuck up about issues you dont know shit about you massive prick.

[devil†zukin]

So you are pissed at a joke friendfic that involves you (a furry) kissing a non-existing female-being? All of that because you are gay (or homosexual if that's the term you prefer (just tell me which you prefer btw, would be nice to know for future reference)) and take offence to dating this non-existing being of the opposite gender in the context of this "meant to be creepy"/joke story.

Congrats, you are stupider than I thought.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

i just want to say that this is not acceptable

also i haven't read your crappy story because it makes me uncomfortable but if people are uncomfortable about you writing about them please do not publish it

we have been through this before

[KobaBeach]

also i haven't read your crappy story because it makes me uncomfortable but if people are uncomfortable about you writing about them please do not publish it

i was mostly ok with him putting me in this (i thought the feminism jokes were dumb tho) until he started shipping me with a petite z cup anime babe

[Septentrion Pleiades]

Four Minutes and forty-five seconds later...

The four of you ran form the standup to escape the explosion.

"I think we should be safe here," you said.

You all were knocked out by the explosion.

Two days later in Horikawa's secret base.

Horikawa paced in front of her giant monitor that showed the world. The pink areas were the parts of the world already under her control. Right now, the only pink nations were Canada, all of Europe, most of Indonesia, half of Africa, isolated pockets of south Asia, and a sliver of South America. Everything was going according to the new timetable. Very soon, all of her Magic Feminist Warship will be upgraded with a proper Breast Mediumizer Rays. Russia, China, and the United States are the nations that will be hardest to take over. In two month China will fall, but Russia and the US will take three months to conquer.

"You know, I thought taking over the world would be more fun," Horikawa said.

"What do you mean? You are conquering as we speak," Rena the Talkhausmon said.

"Yes, but everything has been calculated to the hour at this point. There's no more designing evil devices, no more monologues or expositions. There no more heros to thwart or rivals to crush. I even had a villainous musical score yesterday just to pass the time. I can't even to an evil speech to the world unless a have an decisive victory over a major nation. Everything is going to plan, so what's left to do?"

"Don't you have a reverse harem of Talkhuas members, that includes the original me? Couldn't you just sex until your fleet conquers everything?"

Horikawa Otane looked up the post chapter of this story on her phone. "Oh, yeah. I do have one of those. Whatever, this isn't a X rated fic so I can't have sex scenes. Besides, there's a chance the main character of this story might do something so I should grind my Talkhausmons to level 80 at the least."

"But that's also boring," Rena complained.

"Fine, I'll have a flashback or something," Horikawa said, "Like that one day... The day mentioned in the first post of this story... the day when I conquered Canada and erased it from the world's history..."