raocow's talkhaus

i dont know what is it with me and prefering the left paths
but its a thing apparently


and here to greet us is the griffin brothers


eeeeeeveryone! get iiiiin heeere!


and bk gets a level for that



you got it lat-acon


this is an accurate depiction of my stealth skills



he's just really excited to be on an adventure with all his friends! :D


he looks so concerned

g-guys... you, uh, shouldnt be here


calamari's gettin' real trigger happy with his double scratches
so we gotta have a refuel break



science and religion combine forces!



and bk uses the church for tax evasion


slappin' cows like it was no thing


enjl stops to smell the flowers
and they smell like a strange hairy man



if its a dead bird again calamari im putting you up for adoption


w...where did you even get a violin
and why is ivy so unimpressed by the fact that he just recieved a free violin?
theres so many questions


also apparently this is the first interaction the two have had
imagine a complete stranger
breaking into your bedroom unannounced
wearing a catsuit
and giving you a violin




the princess, the flower, the cat and the cute


might as well call in and grab the treasure while we're at it



there was a very small peacock in there
and bk just tore it's ass off
yknow
as you do


and that's literally all there was on this space
good times




rollin' the bones gives us a new, very adorable tank for sturg



roll that again, and grab the pile of cash that comes from it


lat buys the bottle that like, every fantasy 'love potion' is kept in




mikko's subbed out for calamari, and the team becomes almost pure dps

me too man, me too



this has been a paid advertisement by 'Safe Spots & Co.'



please dont make that face again calamari

im going to see that in my nightmares


snakes? more like CHUMPS


get outta here snakes
go on, git


calamari ding'd to level 15


faced with an impossible choice...

okay maybe not 'impossible'



dammit, my trap nearly worked

YOU WIN THIS ROUND CALAMARI


oh hey its 'damage sponge theatre'
starring mr cow and his snake companions



remember when we had this maneuver? no? me neither



the 'takes 8 years to kill' definitely isnt helped by the double attacking and earthquakes


both accurate thoughts i have when doing anything


power move: punch a cow square in the dick
show your date you're not to be trifled with


yelsey unhinged his jaw and swallowed one of the snakes
after we all finished screaming he just said 'if you cant beat them, join them'
we've all applied for therapy


jesus, i forgot these nerds have such a high relationship level


sharing a room with captain flower over there is explanation enough



are you havin' a laugh, mate?
you havin' a giggle?


the plot thickens






yelsey is ready for that new monster hunter game


man, this dice just really loves princesses, dont they


and it also really really likes cats


since the other one was so short too, im assuming this one is the same



i dont know why both treasure chests had stuff for bk, but he sure does look be-witch-ing


yup, that's it for that
why even have two level spots??



calamari's going with the 'stardew valley' friendship approach
of 'throw random gifts at them until they like you'


i feel like this goes without saying but it's DEFINITELY used



the long awaited departure from princess station into imptown


grandpa comes out of retirement to go help the younguns

Onwards and upwards through the dark (and probably pretty smelly) castle!



THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE
TALKHAUS!! VANGUARD

with all of the treasure successfully stolen, time to move on


man that tornado has some strong-ass eyebrows




pls dont burn the puddi :c



you may command the fire winds, but we have good old fashioned vanilla wind on our side!


bk is now slightly less toasty




calamari and mikko get closer by the power of air freshener



this is what i get for treating calamari like a cannon



dont throw food :c


sturg is always so oblivious when this happens

"i wonder if i left the stove on..."


the beginning of a very very long sequence


and, yknow, a patch of path with absolutely nothing on it



teeckets
teeeeeeeckets


oh boy it's the damage sponge derby again



i really should be using the hyper sprinkles in regular battles more


bk calm down please
i know you're jealous of sturg's luscious eyebrows but please


the angriest giggle

he probably said some really rude and probably legally damning lies about sturg



Actual Drama Queen Bk


mikkofier to the rescue!

oh geez that face

honestly that did the exact opposite of calm me down


sturg lands ever single blast, and manages to finish the thing off



WARNING
WARNING
TACTICAL FRIENDSHIP INBOUND



time to cook up a storm



a chance for redemption for sturg, and kapus and ivy tag along too


guess what? we've got a lot of clearing to do


these dorks are back


the fire tornadoes are really annoying
they do a bunch of damage and the burn makes you miss a turn


sturg levels up, blissfully unaware that bk plots his death


south at the second intersection gives...







greeeeat another one to clear


hey guess what
these guys on exactly the spot that the paths converge before the inn
which means
weve gotta fight them every time








i too, loudly declare when im thinking about eating food



bk's the kinda chef that just shows up at people's houses and deepfries all their food


double the calories, double the fun


i wonder when he learns giga, omega and tera fire?



hey guess what
its a bigger fire spell


man that looks like it'd legit hurt
corners! they hurt!




puddings, cats, flowers and boybands


minimum two more rounds


dont you people ever give up




the booty burning never ends


while bk was recovering from a buttburning, this happened


...thrilling.



as a manplant, mikko's sick of all these forest fires


down down down


using his magic musician powers, he can detect buried objects with sound waves!*
*not something he can actually do







looks like we'll get away with only one extra run after this


up and then back down again



mikko dies a gruesome, gruesome death
he will be missed
maybe

sometimes i can still hear his voice!


hey guess who
its these idiots again
and this time we're down a member



since i know theyre the last fight of the area, no sense saving my sprinkles


please leave


sturg only had to lose three fingers before he apologised




and so he's allowed back onto the team


one more run, then we can put this level behind us



the fight's not even worth showing at this point


and now, for the final area



nestled within, is a cake!
:D


guuuuuuuess whoooooo
the team that never knows when to quit



"guys what the heck is going on"



that went significantly faster


bk levels up aaaand...

learns how to cook something that's not instant noodles



for hitting 1200 rescues, our sprinkle container swells even further


lat is ready for some fun in the sun



for once, a 50% chance pays off
screw you, xcom


they also got a weird bottle thing
looks like an upside down steampunk
party popper



it's imp-ossible to resist the imp



man, lat's still only level 12? i should probably work on that

with that obnoxiously long level done, let's go see what mr. exclamation mark wants


bk why are you bringing this up
talking about these things make bad omens happen


calamari why are you dancing
what is this conversation even



buy a Dragon™ today!


bk i dont like that face
that means mischief is afoot


dont lie to me calamari
we all know you cant read


dot dot dot...



YOU MADE THIS HAPPEN
YOU IDIOTS


chu chu yeah



the dang enemy's too big to fit in the screen



buuurn baby burn


let's get some REAL dps goin'



something something skyrim joke



gotta take a minute to smell the strange hairy man



and so begins the endless chain of calamari carnage




so much blood
so much death




and the great scaly monster gets murdered by a programming error


mikko and lat level up

and mikko unlocks a dark form of gardening magic


man we smacked him so hard, his colour palatte changed


are there many other big spooky castles that you could be in, mate?



if by 'helped' you mean 'threw a cat at you until you passed out' then you're welcome


that is an odd name for a dragon



well this definitely wont become relevant in the near future, no sir



another boss that was too stingy to give us gold in the fight


man, was the imp really that far behind in armour? geez



not like it matters, since it's princess time now


i forgot to take a picture of the roll, but it was a 4, 5, 7
so we've got straight thirteens this time around

Another submap! But I feel like we're getting close!



THIS IS WHERE THINGS GET COMPLICATED
AGGRESSIVE TALKHAUS

this new submap just seems to be a straight hallway
which is nice and straightforward i guess


i mean, we're in a world with magic, griffins, demons, gerblins, elves, mummies and sentient wind
so dragons arent THAT much of a stretch


rocky you werent even there
you were chillin' comfortably in the inn



as a fellow big softie, i sympathise


dude floats all the time
im pretty sure he doesnt even have a butt
why would he need a throne



my 'video game senses' are telling me that that's not the case


seconds later...

you were talking up fighting the final boss
then get defeated by a small hole



i dont really know how the miis manage to catch up
that kinda implies that they can get out of the hole
why not just get out now??


a couple of grandmas take their edgy grandson out for a walk



i do appreciate getting buttmurdered at the start of the fight



obligatory sprinkle segment




this princess is OUT. FOR. BLOOD.


and a royal science combo to finish things off


even straight hallways need split paths, apparently


couple'a toasty boys


why do you think meteorologists exist
its because only scientists can fight the weather


scientists and people with fans i guess



if we all got our wealth from random boxes in dark spooky castles
capitalism would collapse




three relationship levels at once!
this whole 'having a lot of party members' thing is moving quite smoothly



this has been an important broadcast from the 'Events That Just Kinda Happen' channel



well at least it's a high level holiday, but hitting that tiny wedge is pretty dumb



time for the Good Boys™ to have a break




we earned two levels for that, and got some brand new skills!


LISTEN ROULETTE
I WAS GIVING YOU A SECOND CHANCE
this is what i get for mentioning xcom in the last update, isnt it


lat and sturg can go this time


they grabbed two levels too, firmly proving that old people and science can mix



FINALLY

calamari and the story of the pretty normal looking cat outfit
well, as normal as it can be when its a grown man with that face


enjl just straight up steals a street lamp




the fact that im wearing my holy hand grenade tshirt makes the 1, 2, 5 really appropriate


at least this level doesnt have five dozen splits


these guys are still around
getting beaten to death doesnt seem to stop this family


ivy's too cool to be instakilled





oh dear that's never a good word



true friendship is diving in front of the grim reaper when he comes to take your bro's soul


the fucking juxtaposition of this happening directly after yelsey fucking DIED
was too funny

bk is not a smart pudding



new age music once again kills an elderly lady


what was wrong becomes right


oh no it's the World Minotaur Bowling Champion
and he brought his bowling equipment!



years of bowling experience has left him unprepared for dealing with huge fireballs



hell yeah more cash


y...yelsey thats just a fish
that's not a weap- well okay you're the professional ill take your word for it



all of those imps we fought were a bad influence on bk



rocky can provide the backbeat to this dps festival

that looks like a clearing up ahead, and i feel like things are gonna get spooky


things start off with more path splittin'



i can now make a 'did we get this treasure' chart
and ticket


'damage sponge theater 2 - this time theres more cows'



MAKE!




CALAMARI!



DO!





EVERYTHING!


another path split
at least this one carries on after the first, so i only need to do one more run through


man that's a lot of fire tornadoes
can raocow just stick faces on ANYTHING and they become sentient?
the existence of these things raises more questions than answers


lots of enemies? let's let mr. multitarget take things from here




yknow, rocky does a lot more damage than i give him credit for




HOW CAN WE SLEEP
WHEN OUR BUTTS ARE BURNING?



kapus smites another poor unfortunate soul


rocky levels up! turns out butt burning is good for your health


these two are becoming fast friends


man thats actually really rad looking




a couple of nerds and a grandpa
now we're in the zone for adventure


we've got another run to do, lads
buckle up


here comes the first right


boids
beeg boids




big spears for bigger penetration ;)



sturg bringing a new meaning to the term 'loose cannon'


the beef returns



you know what they say
the more the merrier


the quickest way to bk's heart is through his hp


full force teamwork!



your SOUL
IS MINE



enjl beefs it again


not even large bovines can resist the waluigi strike


enjl, despite beefing it, levels up


second right, second chances



free tickets! after that roulette fiasco earlier, the more the better


and that's the end of that little adventure


GET A LOAD OF THIS


Gossip Grandpa
the hit new reality tv show



i cant believe it...


it turns out calamari's NOT actually a cat!
he's just a guy in a suit!







puddingcess forever!



double kitty action!
and enjl is there too i guess

The final confrontation! We beat up a Canadian in his own home!



YOURS FAITHFULLY
GO! GO! TALKHAUS-CHAN!

it's been a long time coming, but it's finally time


laugh it up, nerd



i'm here to kick your butt!


oh geez i havent heard anyone say 'diddums' in YEARS
i thought it was a joke word and not actually a thing


man he sure is in a good mood


you bet your ass



i think not
im still using mine


oh no he's gonna turn me into a card


IN THAT ORDER


bkamakaze: the comeback king



this is it! time to beat up a canadian!



HIGH SPEED FISH SLAPPING ACTION



lets see who reigns supreme, a dark lord or a guy in a cat costume




oh no! he's using ancientpower! i hope his stats dont rise


well, good to see his massive yaoi hands arent just for attracting mates



Idiot Watches Trap Get Set Up, Walks Into It Anyway




the ol' Railgun One-Two


well i thought i was doing okay, if im honest



wait that thing doesnt have a fac- oh no


well THAT's gonna haunt my nightmares



yelsey no! we JUST got him back dangit


TWO TIMES IN A ROW, MAN



omg
the evilest puddi


forkin' hell, yelsey


he's been smackeldorfed!



enjl and calamari are making the most of a bad situation
by completely ignoring the minions, and attacking raocow himself
because they literally dont care that yelsey and bk are currently possessed



this is turning into Coked Up Cat and the Priest: A Love Story


raocow PLEASE
NOT THE PUNS


bk stabs himself in the face
which is pretty in character



the big man goes down!
though he's gonna keep his dramatic death sequence for a bit later



:>
the imps have barely any hp, and are pretty weak all things considered


return of the puddi!



yelsey get's restored too! no teammate left behind!



okay NOW is his dramatic death sequence
which he saved until last because he's a drama queen



calamari levels up and... uh... yeah
i do NOT wanna see that


the hell is that
how the heck am i supposed to eat it


a wardrobe malfunction! how terrible!








oh hey raocow was a normal dude all along



raocow not knowing what's going on? that sounds appropriate


they just kinda wandered off
will we see them again? WHO KNOWS?!


where the hell did you come from
were you just watching and yknow, not helping?



i think most of what's inside me is just custard


the floating emoji is back!


uh... this looks bad


it's trying to possess bk!


mata hari shoved bk out of the way, taking the blow!


oh dear



BAD
REALLY BAD


PFFFFFFT
'THE DARKER LORD'
what a fuckin' GOOBER


dont get too excited, they're not very useful



that's the dumbest name you couldve come up with



somehow i knew mata hari was gonna be the real villain
deep down in my soul i knew that face could only be used for evil


enjl always t-poses when he's nervous


again, where the heck were you earlier



is this the bit where you give me a watch


'normal' is subjective



if raocow had 0 magic
and mata hari had 1 magic
thats a lot more magic!



think we have a choice in the matter?


that was her own fault


i dont have receipts for favours


i mean, walking on foot seemed to work so far


again? i dont know that guy


oh hey its the guy who got conveniently introduced a short while ago



helpful friend! :D


lets take a moment to appreciate this scene




fuckin' fantastic

a world map!
judging from the art, i'd say the bottom four are the places we've been
greenhorne, neksdor, the realm of the fey and karkaton
which means there's three new areas (and totally not something behind that cloud)


bk's got very little object permanence
so he mostly forgets about anything if he can't see it



[enjl screaming just out of frame]



you wanna share that information with the class?



can't say i have, no



condescending little shit


worlds dont have corners! theyre round! like me!



hopefully there's a 'Master Darker Lord Hunter' there


so 'traveler's hub' is the middle, city-looking one
got it


feat. a censored face


oh man, bellmoore's swole as heck



oh yeah? well i havent seen YOU here before!


i like that we just go around shouting our mission to anyone that listens



man news spreads fast
mata hari's already been bragging about her new title



well i mean
i was planning on asking everyone anyway


i wonder what kinds of other places there are in this world


well that's new
we got quests, boys!


that title combined with that face?
nothing but pure unfiltered fear fills my body


THE HORROR
THE HOOOORROOOOOR



there's snow place like a snow level


everyone?! that includes me! oh no!



that's what you get for playing a healer



g...ghontu waste
god dammit



welp, might as well see where this takes me, yo



oh god theyre part of my party now
i didnt think this through


oh hey, another quest


a little less conversation a little more sasquatch baybeee~♫


who you callin' chum, fishbait?







peculia? there's another new area


as a guy who's also a chef too sometimes, i sympathise



weenie



as it happens, you can only have one active quest at a time

so for now, i'll have to leave jojk hanging



jesus calm down mate
ill take you later


guess who it is, a familiar face



what, you planning another public nudity situation?


getting swole is a good goal



okay he's just fantasising
he doesnt even know im here, does he?


bk's thinking that doesnt sound like such a bad idea


LONG ENOUGH
BOOK 'IM, BOYS!


yes, we've met already
multiple times


tidbits? but i dont need a new roommate


oh yeah, the place we fought tangeruse's face, right?


rare monsters, you say?
i do like those



more powerful is always good
especially when we have a nerdier lord to hunt down



that sounds like a great idea, but i still need to do the one i already accepted
SOMETHING FOR LATER



time is a flat circle, mate
ill get to it eventually

These were not the only npcs in the town, but as i discovered, other than the first three, they get randomised as soon as you leave and re-enter the town, and they only say generic lines
So replacing them with any of y'all's miis would be a waste of a chance to appear
As such, I'm gonna pass on reassigning people for their roles

We use our newfound powers of flight to journey to a new realm!



THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE
TALKHAUS IN THE CITY

where we left off, we had picked up moneyman the stowaway and were going off to a new region to beat up a yeti


oh man, its pretty :o

...spoiling the view a little >.>


and now, the dumbest region name yet
god dammit nintendo



fun fact: i've never seen snow before
so bk's reaction is pretty on point



bk you're at least one third demon
i dont think thats gonna work


happy puddi! :D


now that dark lord raocow is no longer in control of the monsters, the battle transition has changed!






powerfully pincerin' pingu



manipulating peasants for fun and profit


is he a crab or a cat? nobody truly knows


pls no


unlike SOME clerics, money seems to be able to hit with this


enjl levels up from seeing another cleric do something better than him


tha feeshie


even the frozen north is not immune to the corrupting power of splitting paths



it wasnt even in a bottle
it was just a bigass box full of a non-distinct fluid
but calamari, always prepared, had a bottle left over from his cosplay of that one naruto guy


oh geez guys
we JUST started



theyre arguing over who's the better cat



angry catters!


grandma what are you doing out in the cold! you'll get sick!


no mercy for penguins



hey you know that nice thing i said about moneyman
i take it back


whimsical calamari: professional grandma puncher



we unlock a new tool! i freaked out a bit when the doorbell thing played, i thought we were somehow getting a new teammate >.>



basically, without going into the longwinded explanation the game gave, the catalogue allows you to rebuy items you already have
it's mostly for when you have multiple characters of the same class, so they can all have the best equipment
so... it's useless to me! :D



you were both SO ANGRY with each other for like, five minutes



what a bunch of dummies


ivy embraces his inner weeb


bk eats an entire universe somehow



time to make some snow demons :3



i hope sturg's tracks can navigate on ice


time to go clear the snow out of this driveway
also they added a ticker on the top screen on the map telling you the quest you're on
which is kinda neat


well, he IS a king


Return of Pingu


penguins cant understand science
this is a fact


bk becomes a master of romance


and yelsey now knows how to do things all sneaky deaky like


dooooooown we goooooo



well at the very least it's gonna be chilled



i didnt even get a choice in the matter
he just chugged it without me even saying anything


one of these days a potion is gonna be poison and everyone's gonna die



gorillas are always working towards their gains


these grandmas just dont learn!



time for some mischief >:3c



the most evil smooch
so basically, this ability let's you give a teammate a temporary hyper boost without using a sprinkle



advice for soldiers: smooch your tanks, it makes them shoot better


yelsey just said this, and then vanished
he's too stealthy! :o



i should probably pay more attention to people's health


yelsey appears behind the enemy!

...and bk ruins the entire 'stealth' thing by being very very noisy


right in the booty!



and teamwork puts the final grandma in a wheelchair


four relationship levels at once!


lat and sturg will now die for each other


rocky and kapus now care if each other is about to die


bk and yelsey earn their independence on this day


enjl and mikko get faithful


man the new shadow of the colossus looks great



time for some culinary capers



tankboy and thiefy take a backseat, and flowerman and swordgirl take their place

slowly slogging away through this snow



mikko gets buried alive in a crevasse


he's definitely gonna freeze to death in there


do you wanna kill a snowman?


it doesnt have to be a snowman



nobody was laughing to begin with, mate
mostly because im pretty sure snowmen dont have vocal chords


lat learns a healing move! goin' from a crowd control character to an all-rounder


daww
thats adorable


time waits for no pudding!


this is gonna get real lewd

look away, children


these cows just wont leave me alone


spoooooooooooge



there's so many earthquakes im surprised scientists havent gotten upset


please leave


kapus levels up from eating an entire snowman


these moral choices are getting out of hand

i like those odds either way



tickety tickety tickets


there's the first one done, time for part two



i really like this armour, all things considered
makes bk look like a chibi dark souls boss



how the hell did i manage to roll the same team twice in a row


there's snow men like snowmen



nothing says 'stay dead' like a flaming sword


oh great, these weenies again



nobody can resist the smooch of the pudding



with bk's help, mikko manages to dodge the hammer of cow-based justice

and in doing so, gained a deeper love for the demon haunting his mind


S L A M



jesus christ money you are so bad at this





did someone say bed? that's all the convincing i need for a nap


had he not been 'saving mp', that wouldve been a 24 health party heal
that's pretty good

always thank your healers
unless its donald duck, then you're excused


bkamakaze: professional cowpoke


and now for the other treasure



money's always a good thing
dont let anyone tell you otherwise
because that just means they want YOUR money


for reaching 1250, we get some more hp sprinkles
and with the rate i use them? the more the merrier


ivy and calamari hit that magical level of 6, thereby earning the right to never look at each other again


theyre so faaaancy~♫
god i hate that song


lat has no romance interests, only scientific interests


daww
sturg remembers bean :3


'that's nice, dear'



if it's not science, lat does not care


they ranked up, but didnt learn any new skills


heart-on-a-stick, coming to fast food restaurants near you



it's time to royally mess things up



religion, rap, royalty and rockets

i dont know what karatekid is doing out here in the frozen wastes, but hey



but im sure he has his reasons


man, bk can barely remember breakfast


i think you're... dave? maybe?
dave is that you?



he's a brand new mii, so of course i remember

ding! one question down



:3

:3



remember when sturg was an npc? back before he had that crazy surgery that turned him into a war machine

god he looks so plain its really making me uncomfortable


bk's pondering what a square is

a handful of 'nanas for our trouble

A bunch of paths open up to us! Can YOU guess where we're going next, boys and girls?



YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!
HOSHI NO TALKHAUS

if you guys at home guessed 'grab the treasure you dingus', you guessed right!



holy crap thats a lot of money
hell yeah



this is a bad joke



STURG NO PLEASE GOD


as painful as the process is, bk's face is still a very effective tool of war



geez these things hit hard


sturgs holding nothing back, holy crap


HE KILLED ENJL
WHAT THE FUCK STURG



money every time i think you cant be more useless, you surprise me


bloody hell, i gotta do everything around here



sturg, despite being more dangerous to our team than the enemies, takes out the last enemy


it turns out murdering enjl in cold blood leveled him up and he learnt a new skill



cracking open the treasure chest gives us a new weapon for bk


kapus finds a box buried in the snow and pretends she bought it


geez rocky, you'd think you'd be happier with a music themed gift


well it was enough for them to rank up at least


calamari those arent even gloves
those are just spike balls



hell's frozen over and this demon's taking the throne



cats, lats and 'gats
okay that one was a stretch

with the treasure obtained, time for the right path


the :3man



calamari only kills penguins
its a... complicated vendetta thing



money i swear to god


lat and bk have no problem murdering a snowman



why is there snowless greenery in the middle of this area
what the heck


:o!!


kitties are very good for your health
this is a fact



kinda disappointed the tent isnt an igloo, but hey



the aesthetic of the snow area at night is really nice
i like it



i already did the 'star with a gun' joke didnt i


one minigame later...


a giant metal box falls from the sky that could very easily kill somebody


sky money! sky money is completely tax free, since sky people dont have laws



note: sturg sleeps like that
eyes open, unblinking


up we go, yo


oh hey, recolours of the slime enemies

^^


fightin' slime with slime


can we get to the point where i dont fight minotaurs any more
that would be great





get outta here, nerd


from calamari eating a bunch of mp sweets along the way, we get access to better ones!
i hope theyre toffee flavour


sturg and ivy bond over their penchants for destruction


please dont pose like that mikko
the green body suit is making this awkward


youve had a different mii for like every series ive done
so this is not a surprise


oh god he looks exactly like irl me
oh god



he's gonna need that help when i sue him for defamation


sailor yelsey reporting for duty


he's so shocked that he learned how to fly



god dammit
roulette wheel PLEASE



calamari and lat go and terrorize the natives of an undiscovered island







I rolled another two times, getting 3300G for each roll
CASH MONEY


built like a brick shithouse






bk you're dressed for the completely wrong game



well he wasnt decked out like that for long



a pretty magic heavy party


next up: a down path


time to murder some more penguins



YOU'RE MY BIGGEST FAN

SMACK


waluigi never lets me down


down, down, pathways are down


yknow i just noticed the ice maiden doesnt have any eyes
thats kinda creepy



fighting ice with fire? for once we're doing something smart


ivy levels up for being a smart boy



and for all that, we get a single ticket


bk and yelsey get even closer


lat gets a little harajuku on us



i just put my dinner in the oven midway through this update



the arrow of relationship points to the cutest pudding

the goal is open to us now, but we still have a path unexplored!







it is every soldier's duty to kill penguins on sight
why do you think there arent any wars in antarctica? because soldiers would be too busy killing penguins



buried deep beneath the snow



never give up! never surrender!



give it the ol' 'one more level'



HELL YEAH!
buried treasure, yo!


he's obsessed now
one good hole and now its all he can think about


a couple of frosty ladies




rocky freezes to death
what a painful way to go, geez


do not worry stoneboy! i will avenge you! WITH THE POWER OF WALUIGI


there we go! job done


wait what


oh geez
rocky dying apparently had a bad effect on him
imagine that, dying being a bad thing



so basically, i can't select rocky for anything until he gets better
can't feed him, can't get him new equipment, nothing


meanwhile, kapus and enjl carry on without a care in the world




time for a magical adventure, yo

We go and visit Hoeloe and get some more snacks!



BANISHED TO THE VOID
DR. TALKHAUS

what is it with all these npcs just chillin' in the arctic


they eat with their mouth open its very disconcerting



thats what you get for eating things while theyre still alive


death is overrated, just have some soup


can it warm my cold dead heart


jesus christ mate calm down its just soup



yes we have met several times



if this is gonna get lewd im calling the police



free soup! :D
yaaay!

with dinner out of the way, time to go to where we need to



oh hey, its the same kind of monster that princess pholtos was stuck to


100% in character


there he is, the Antarctic Weight-Lifting Champion



ice vs fire, who will win?



desperate times call for desperate measures
this is not one of those times but i do it anyway


pow right in the kisser



at least money can't miss with that




okay now that's just a streetlight
enjl put that back it's government property




cool lookin' ice punch attack


together with a coked-up bk, lat lands then final blow


and gets a level up for their trouble


dude hit like a truck, but thankfully two healers and a limitless supply of sprinkles made it pretty easy



mata hari just woke up one morning and thought 'gee a yeti would be pretty neat right now'


wicked as in radical
*kickflipping sounds*



he was just carrying these around in his pockets
i uh dont know if i wanna eat these



later mate, thanks for all the heals


rocky no longer has bird flu








everybody's got an aoe but me :c

with the yeti dead, time to head back and grab another quest


sure, the game's telling me to do jojk's quest next, but tenda's is easier and optional
so im gonna do that first


he repeated the entire spiel describing his quest


if yall dont remember, it was 'go to lotus lake and kill some rare monsters'


oh hi mark


you're too much of a weenie, arent you?


you could just piggy back off of us and steal a share of exp

We return to The Realm of the Fey and hunt some rare monsters!



TRY AGAIN!
BALKHAUS: TALKHAUS NEXT GENERATIONS

heading back into the submap where we fought tangeruse, and ANOTHER submap is revealed!
submaps within submaps!



hey, yall remember green snurps?
those enemies that we were one shotting like, 5 levels ago?
yeah theyre back


...and they seem to be the only enemies in here


this is gonna be a short run :p


well at least treasure doesnt let me dow-


EVERYTHING IS SNURPS



boy and i thought they were easy before


the simplest area


just to clarify: these two had no relationship points
this is another 'bust into a stranger's room and do a workout' situation


and theyre VERY good at it


who was the better workout-er-er?
YOU DECIDE




a very magic-heavy squad


ill just throw this in here, since they were both pretty short


man that right snurp looks PISSED


not pissed enough to avoid being killed, apparently


and for our troubles? a big ol' pile of gold

we delve deeper into the snurp kingdom, searching for the wealth within!


kicking things off right away with a split path


oh hey thats a new enemy, a water snurp!
DEFINITELY not a recolour
we promise



JESUS CHRIST
the water snurp hits like a freight train



we DID have to weaken the water snurp a bit, but the megumeme still applies


even more snurps!


that's enough to wipe out the regular snurps...


ivy finishes off the special one



hey!
these arent snurps!
i want my money back!



two more relationship levels, working our way towards that 'everyone is level 6' milestone


sturg this better not be you stabbing someone with a pencil again


hey no



hey!
that's copyrighted content!


pls no bully ;n;


('^' )



nobody can make fun of a princess!
this plan is foolproof!



we swap dr. latenstein out for latenstein's monster


and now, for the bottom path
hehe
'bottom'


how dare they


kapus materializes in the middle of the group, breaking several laws of physics


'ew not kaaaaaaaaaapuuuuuus' - Sturg, A Stinky Nerd


ivy could talk the pants of the devil
and since quite a lot of the time the devil is depicted without pants
i'd say he already has



look, when they said it was 'booby trapped' i stopped listening after 'booby'


wow how did they fit all of those snurps into that box


this is a contender for dumbest screenshot
enlarge weapon on a tank is really dumb looking


and it uh, was kinda underwhelming


ROUND TWO
THIS TIME ITS MORE SNURPS


ivy refuses to look death in the eyes


kapus steps in to save her friend!
and survives with one hp!



and using his new lease on life, ivy blasts them all into next thursday


NICE

oh and mp sprinkles went up too i guess


oh geez another one?

GOD DAMMIT ROCKY
at this point im pretty sure he's faking it


bk and yelsey learn an improved pincer attack!


and kapus, learning from her rescue of ivy, extends the goodwill to enjl



:/
i mean i guess ill take it



NOT TO SICK FOR A HOLIDAY, EH ROCKY?
HMM
I WONDER WHAT THAT SAYS ABOUT YOUR SICKNESS




foodies, flowers, fighters and fscientists


while we're at it, might as well take out these


some juicy, juicy snurpers



mikkofier, the 2nd last airbender


hell yeah, radishes!

next up, the area that's not the necessary one!


paths that split?! in MY game?!
it's more likely than you think


bloody hell that's a lot of snurps



lat shows off their new healing move, after bk gets smacked in the face


kapus brutally murders a whole crowd of snurps


and then lat and bk take care of the leftovers


another split? well at least both of these can be cleared in one trip



WHOA THATS A LOT OF MONEY
WE'RE ROLLIN' IN IT NOW, BOYS


ivy and sturg level up again



imp vs snurps, the battle of the ages



hopefully one priest is enough to purge the demons and abominations in the party


time for the south-side adventure



wow a WHOLE banana!
it's like christmas morning


if the pattern so far is anything to go by this should have...


...enemies
yep, i thought so



smooching mushrooms like it was nothing



toying with hearts to destroy the hearts of our enemies



and calamari buttmurders the last two



enjl levels up normally, then bk steals all the bonus xp for a level


rocky gets over his Man Flu™


enjl is worried that kapus wont accept mii-jesus into her heart


mikko where do you even find that many love hearts



a royal regime change



with that area done, let's grab a new team and head out


before we end the day, lets see what the silver snurp is all about


well, it's rare enough that i havent seen one as of yet




oh geez this thing's got metal slime defences


how did a nerd with a stick do more damage than my sonic boom



w-what

it just...
ate itself


well uh
alright then

We see what's waiting for us at the end of the Snurp Stadium!



THIS IS THE END OF THE PRODUCT TRIAL
TALKHAUS SHOOT BEYBLADE

alright, this dungeon wasn't that long, but we're here for the finale!



it's the king of the snurps!
you can tell by his eyebrows


a VERY rare snurp! ...and his entourage i guess




okay i didnt even get a turn before it ran away
that's fair


the rest of them went down really easy, as expected of green snurps


ding!
i dunno how tenda knew we finished the quest without being here
but i think ill chalk it up to magic adventurer powers




now ivy can turn into a magical girl



we're gonna be going to talk to jojk, so i guess a chef is fitting



a team member from each adventure


that final battle was underwhelming enough for me to include the return trip too


he's still standing on this street corner, looking for a big strong adventurer t-
ive recieved word from management that im not allowed to continue that sentence



yep, he just repeats the same spiel as last time


man i wouldnt mind a burg myself right about now


let's roll jojyboy!


next up, we're heading to a new area!

man im digging the aesthetic of this place already


peculia, huh? what a peculiar name...



nah mate, lat slipped some experimental potion in your dinner
you're trippin' balls


bk youve never been here before



dont go around licking random balls in strange new lands
thats like
tip number one in every guidebook



its a whole new woooooooorld~♫


wow! peculia has SPILT PATHS?! this place sure is wacky!


bread?! BREAD?!
BREAD




can i just say i really love the battle theme in this area
its soooo goood ♥


a level for mikko and a level for bk
a great start


mikko you dingus
this floor is literally a flat textured plane


thankfully kapus was on the scene to make sure nobody saw
well, so long as nobody takes a picture and uploads it to the internet


'well done, idiot'



treasure chests with monsters in them?! this place sure is wacky!


i should ask this guy, im sure he nose what used to be in this box


kapus kills the nose and also me for that joke


back at the inn, lat and calamari level their relationship up



i dont think this place has any royalty yet
and therefore i claim peculia as my territory



double cat action


we've got another path to clear, so that means fighting these guys again



knives are surprisingly effective against bread
so effective they named a sub-section of knives after this fact



jojk's setting up to be the most useful assistant character



get in there buddy


listen calamari
you will do as i say

and i say get in there buddy




oh whoops
okay thats my bad there pal
though in retrospect
its your own fault for trusting me


that's the first level down




we got three relationship levels at once


ivy activates his magical girl wand



we should make sure to make good first imp-ressions



it's the 'eyes connected to their eyebrows' squad

next up, a meeting with our old pal karatekid



yes yes, we know who you are
we have met SEVERAL times



its like the truffle shuffle but nobody gets arrested


i do appreciate that theyre keeping the quiz games fresh


look
im gonna be honest here
representing what's basically find the lady in image format
is impossible
so please enjoy these basically the same images of three chests





wasnt that thrilling?



ding™
the chests moved really really slowly so yknow



give me my dang bananas, demon


well we've got the oppurtunity to do two of these in one go, so why the heck not


hello again you food-eating weirdo



look mate i dont want anything in my mouth that can be described as 'mysterious'


dont eat riddles, boys and girls


you're certainly having a bloody good go at it, though


why do you think poirot was so portly?
he eats all of the mystery



again, we've met multiple times
what is it with these people




my mum used to make crepes all the time
but she always called them pancakes
so it was years and years until i learned that pancakes were a separate, much better, thing

We explore more of this wa-a-a-a-acky place!



THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER
TALKHAUS THROUGH THE HEAVENS