Starting a Patreon for my forum posts

[Truhan]

Oh, hello. I'm desperate for money, as I'm sure all of you know. Luckily, after doing literal eons of research, I came up with a brilliant idea. People should pay me to post on the forums! Oh? That sounds kind of fucking stupid? And I should get a job doing it like a respectable person? Well, if someone can get almost $900 to essentially run a blog, I should be able to get at least twice as much to blog on someone else's forum. Anyways, here are the reward tiers:

$0.50 per post - threaten to quit the forums forever

My Patreon isn't making enough money, so I'll routinely threaten to quit the forums forever until it does.

$1 per post - shitpost

This is the base reward tier. All my posts are shit already.

$1.50 per post - I make threads

Making threads is a lot of work. I have to think of a topic and everything. That doesn't work out too well for me most of the time, as is obvious by now.

$2 per post - "funny" posts

I'll make posts that are a poor attempt to cover up the fact that I have depression and serious self-esteem issues by saying that they were meant to be "funny".

$2.50 per post - I make polls

I'm going to do this whether you like it or not, but it sure would be nice if I got paid for it.

$3.50 per post - MMA posting

Hey, they finally legalized it! Ariel Helwani got fired because Rory MacDonald told him he made $59,000 for a fight of the year and what many call the greatest welterweight fight of all time that should have made him a millionaire. UFC 200 is coming up with a hilarious rematch between Conor McGregor and Nate Diaz at 170. Oh, and Rener and Riron did a Gracie Breakdown of Kat Williams. So much to post about, I'd make more money in one day than Rory MacDonald makes in a year!

$5 per post - Warhammer 40k posts

I'll make polls and posts about Warhammer 40k (40k only, none of that Age of Sigmar bullshit). I'll even start the Slaanesh patrol and make t-shirts for our members. Just imagine how much enjoyment you'll get out of my inevitable "best Primarch" poll until you find out that those fucking Ultramarines are winning yet again. Speaking of,

$7 per post - Matt Ward hate posts

Fuck you Matt Ward.

$10 per post - anime posting

I'm sure literally millions of people are desperate for my opinion on the Final Fantasy XV anime. Spoilers: It sucks. The animation quality is top notch but the story is...well...I can't be giving this away for free, now can I?

$13 per post - music posting

My taste in music is so individualistic and unique that I have to post about the new Katy Perry and Taylor Swift songs. Maybe some of you will discover a new taste in music from these obscure artists.

$15 per post - waifu posting

This is different from anime posting, I swear!

$50 per post - Electric Six posting

If I reach this reward tier, I'll be sure to include an Electric Six video with all of my posts. As I always say, there's an Electric Six song for every occasion. On a date and your date mentions wanting children? The kids are evil. Fire started at the disco and/or Taco Bell? Danger! High Voltage. And if you're wondering what I'm going to spend all this money on, well...




$500 per post - wrestling posts

Yeah, I'm not suffering through Raw unless it's for some serious bank. That said, JTG put out a new book, maybe I could post about that instead.

$1000 per post - post relevant stuff about video games

Ewwww, why would you ever make me do that?

Please donate to my Patreon here.

Merry Aprilsmas

[Telamon]

Apparently I'm already donating to you and have been for many months? APRIL FOOLS ON ME I GUESS?