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Re: A2MT Plot thread

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Diortem
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Diortem »

Okay, that's clear. btw. I thought raocow wasn't supposed to be reading the spoilers in this thread. XD
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by raocow »

Oddly enough, I actually DON'T read them. I'm not sure why I decided to click on your spoiler tag there, honestly!
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Joelcll »

I think that with how much the story has changed... the dialoges should be a lot less criptic...
In the other version they were unknown invaders, but now that they are keeping you prisoner in their spaceship it should be more along the lines of "welcome to my lair bla,bla,bla"
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Paralars »

Some summarization going on..
I'll compile all the concrete dialogues here.
I'll add some red text where I have minor suggestions

Intro
Text: Somewhere far, far away from the Mushroom Kingdom...

{Opening ASMT cutscene, with Demo sitting at the command center, and a speaker right next to her}

???: You! Minion!
Demo: Me, master?
???: Yes, you. Name?
Demo: Demo, master.
???: Demo, I'm hungry. Fetch me some victuals.
Demo: But that fleet may attack at any moment! I am needed here at the command center! And besides we are fresh out. The next shipment won't arrive for another two hours.
???: Hours?! Minutes are days in a leapfrog's year. Do you not hear me?
Demo: G-got it master.
???: Report to teleporter room 42B for immediate translation. I have prepared it with the coordinates of the nearest culinary emporium.

Text: 51 Days Later...

{Back to same room, only with the command center empty, as Demo is still stuck at "the nearest culinary emporium"}
???: That control center is useless. Pointless. Meaningless. That fleet will never hurt a fly, nor could it ever damage or hurt this Space Station one iota. If I had thrown away this worthless trash and replaced it with some delicious ---
{explosions}

Text: 1 Day Later...
{Back to same room, only with the entire area trashed and destroyed, almost as if it was attacked a day before by a Fleet...}
*silence*
???: WE...ARE...ALIVE...
???: Everything else though is dangerously overrippened...only an experienced chef can return it to its pristine and tasty youth.
*the sibilings appear*
Iris: We are only here for one person, and one person only. Hand her over, or face the consequences.
???: ...
Iris: Your ship simply cannot withstand another bombardment. Both she and you will then completely eliminated. Hand her over and we can end this war.
???: You ugly piece of meat...
Mishia: What if we fail, Iris? What if The Artist...
Iris: Patience. We can handle this.
*Demo teleports in*
Demo: Master? I know I'm late, and the vegetables are a tad overripe, but--Master?
???: We have been awaiting the voluminous vegetal victuals, minion. We are so pleased you have finally returned.
Demo: MASTER!
???: But now we must...return...you to your rightful owners.
???: I'm sorry.
Iris: I am glad that reason prevailed in this case.
*turns to Demo*
Iris: Come now. You heard Master. And don't think you can run...we will use force if necessary.
*cut to a prison, where Iris stuff her in*
Iris: Soon, you will be erased from history. When The Artist arrives to his space colony, he will wipe you out of the timestream, and once that happens, he will give me permission to exist.
Iris: In the past, it was willed that you would exist for the half of history. But it's over now. Now it's my turn to exist.
Iris: So long Demo. Me and the other siblings (maybe don't mention it in the intro yet) are going to hold a celebration; too bad you can't attend.
*Iris leaves...forgetting to lock the prison door*
*Demo walks out of the prison*
Pily
Didn't find anything yet
Pandamona
Pandamona Beginning of Battle: Why does everyone like their lives to have a perfect little pattern to them? Why do they get so upset when this pattern is disrupted? When things are chaotic and crazy it's just more fun! I bet you came here in pattern of trying to defeat us. Well, I'll just have to break that pattern!
Mid Battle (Switching attack patterns): Hmm, it seems this pattern isn't working. Oh, I've made a mistake, sticking to a pattern! Well, lets just switch it up a little, then!
Defeated: Hehe... his pattern has been broken... and I couldn't be happier! Heheha! Hoo..to force everyone into a single pattern, to create creative order out of free will...hahaha, will he get a shock when he finds out!
Mishi
Start of Battle: Zzzzz... uungh... huh...? Who're you...? Oh... you must be Demo. I've heard about you. (Doesn't really fit the intro) Uuuungh, do I really have to fight you, I'm so tired... Ugh... if I must... Would you mind moving a bit slower than normal, so I could have a fighting chance? Thanks, I didn't think you would mind. (She makes you tired, making you move a bit slower than usual. Maybe make it so there's a little lag between button pushes and movements? She moves pretty slow, so she shouldn't be that much of a threat.)
MidBattle: What... I'm losing? But I never lose... *sniffsniff* I... *sniff* I DON'T WANNA LOSE! WAAAAAHHHH! (She starts crying and speeds up, and you go back to normal speed)
Defeated: *sobsob* No... I can't lose... *sob* H- He'll be so disappointed in me... *sob* He made me, he made you, he made everything and everyone, how could I fail him now?
Garish
Hey lady. Did you get lost in this huge spaceship? Don't worry, we will help you.
Please, don't look at me like that. Everything is gooing to be ok. Slime...i mean, smile.
Garish (after defeat): I do not understand. I cannot understand. He made us slime so he can slime, he made us goo-d so he can be goo-d, why do you refuse, why do you refuse?
Nevada
What are you doing in my garden!? Hey, look at me! The flower! That upside down thing is just the ugly, mindless creation of some crazy guy (Is that so? Idk about Nevada) . I'm the important one! If you don't take me seriusly you will suffer a vegetal death!
Nevada (after defeat): That crazy guy is too vain, too foolish. He wants people to look at his garden, but his whole garden, not just his prettiest plants. If there were two pretty roses, he'd panic and get rid of one, so that everyone will get to see all the other plants. But that'd ruin beauty, that'd ruin the plant, he has to be stopped.
Science
Science:
STRANGE_SUBJECT_APPEARED: (Searching...)
NEW_RESULTS_FOUND: (Demo, Lost 1 In Equation, Paradox)
START_SUBRUTINE: (Delete Demo, Add 1, Ignore Paradox,)
LOAD_EQUATION: (8+X=9, 9=HAPPINESS)
START_SAFETY_MODE.
SAVE_STATE_00_!

(after an easy defeat)

THAT_WAS_A_DEMO_!
...ANALIZING_ACCIDENTAL_PUN...
LOAD_STATE_00_!

(Real defeat)
ERROR: EQUATION_INCOMPLETE: (1 Not Found, HAPPINESS_FAILED)
SAVE_STATE_00...
EQUATION_UNBALANCED: (2 where they should be 1), ACTIVATE PARADOX FAILSAFE
Iris
1.
Prelude:
*Iris is at a firing range, throwing knives. Noticeably...she is wearing no hat.*
???: Your repeated request for the Seinfeld re-runs Blue-Ray DVD have now been fortuitously fulfilled.
Iris: Thanks, master. Place it on the table; I'll watch them later. And what about the keys to my new apartment complex?
???: They will be delivered shortly.

Battle Start:
*Demo is watching Iris still testing her knives*
Iris: --crash into the Mushroom Kingdom, help the Resistance, destroy the glue factory---
Demo: ...Hello?
Iris: What is it, oh Master? (turns) Oh, it's you. I thought the enemies (they aren't Iris' enemies after all) would have stopped you by now.
Demo: They failed.
Iris: I see. Look, before we fight, can I please ask you to surrender?
Demo: No. Now--
Iris: No, listen. Please surrender. Before it's too late. Before you harm any more people. There's no way you'd win anyway against me, but you might do severe damage to The Artist and his creations. One of your siblings might even get hurt. For your own good, please surrender.
Demo: I do not want to de-exist. Now, prepare for battle!
???: HALT!
??? reveals himself to be the "guard" that Demo must fight.
???: Minion, you must not bother your valuable times with subjugating trivialities such as this violent vermin. I will not let your honor be blemished, nor would I allow a single scratch touch your skin.
Iris: Master (her calling the guard literally "Master" all the time is a bit confusing, considering Demo's "master"), please, I can handle this...
???: No, minion, you cannot.
Iris: Fine, master. Just don't get hurt, okay?

"Guard" fights off against Demo. Demo wins.
Iris: Um...
Demo: Would you like to be next?
Iris: No. Consider this a victory by default.
Demo: What? Are you a coward?
Iris: No. Just sick.
*Iris leaves*

2.
*After all the Siblings are defeated, Demo arrives to Iris' own special level, the one where she's the final boss, and not the 'guard.*
Iris: You keep following me.
Demo: Yes.
Iris: Why?
Demo: You know where The Artist is. He's the one responsible for this mess. Tell me where he is, let me fight him, and I'll spare you.
Iris: ...spared? You destroyed my Master, and then now you claim to give me mercy? *pause* But that is irrelevant. I will not betray The Artist. I will not fail in the task he assigned me. He made you, he made me. Your time is up, now let me live.

*fight between Demo and Iris*

Iris: If I can't defeat you, if I cannot fight you in a match, if I do not possess a Master to call my own, then what right do I even have to replace you? None. *pause* But,..none of us will betray The Artist. None of us can...the bonds of loyalty are just too tight for us to break, even if we want to. This is his world, we only know our place in it.
Demo: But you all have failed to stop me. The only person who even could actually subdue me at this point is The Artist.
Iris: ...You're, you're right. Fine. Here is the coordinates to The Artist's ship. He's waiting for you. Battle him. Defeat him. Or get defeated by him. I don't care anymore.
*Demo begins to leave*

Iris: One thing though...

*Demo stops*

Iris: I never wanted to de-exist you in the first place, but I do want to exist. If...if you do defeat The Artist, can you...
Demo: Yes.
*Demo leaves*
Artist
The Artist: Oh, OH! It's you Demo! Hello dear, you are a bit late, you know? I sent yoursiblings to look for you... it looks like it didn't end well... At least you are safe!

Demo:Look, it's getting late and Master is waiting.So, can we get to the part where i kill you?

The Artist: Oh, i remember (introduce name), he has a nice ship, very colorful. And i hate him so much ha,ha. AH, and is he following that vegetable diet i gave him? he needs it.

Demo: Yep, but sometimes it's more problematic for me than for him...

The Artist:Hmm...He is probably being mean with you...
Don't worry, after i break you into paint and rebuild a better Demo, we'll be a happy family again.
Ending
Nothing yet
...
Last edited by Paralars 12 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Servant »

Though I am still super-busy, I am trying to pace my contributions to meet raocow's deadlines he has set for level check-ins. I know the deadlines he set are different than the deadlines we have for writing this story, but I felt having a schedule keeps me focused.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Tails_155 »

raocow wrote:Now, this is the story all about how
Her life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
I'll tell you how she became the prince of a ship called [Ship Name]

In Sector 9, she was born and raised
On the station is where she spent most of her days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool
And doin' the bidding of her Master's rule

When a couple of Charlies who were up to no good
Took her transporter, as she understood
She got in one little fight and her boss got scared
And said, "You're stayin' on the ship with your Master in [Ship Name]"

She begged and pleaded with him the other day
But he locked the station where she wandered all day
He gave her a job and then he left her to wander
She put her Walkman on and said, "gotta search yonder"

She searched the environs and it became clear
There was more than just her with this one-eyed figure
If anything she could say that this form was rare
Since all the others were strange, with only one pair

She pulled up to the gates around seven or eight
And she yelled to the siblings, "Yo homes, smell you later"
Looked at her kingdom, she was finally there
To settle her throne as the queen of [Ship Name]


----------------

There. This is the story. She's on a homocidal rampage to claim the spaceship Bel Air as her own. 'The Artist' is just an innnocent duder that got caught in the crossfire, the ending can be a picture of the Twin Towers with a crying birdo with the words 'never forget'
We can call the ship "Bel Air" if you wish, but I made it more basically relevant XP It's not perfect, but it mostly rhymes right.

Though in the form of Little Big Planet, we could call it [Ship Name] :P
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Paralars »

this can roll with the credits
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Servant »

Let's redo Iris, in light of the new story. This is being done in order to technically meet up with my self-imposed deadline. Because this is of such sort notice, the writing quality may be in need of improvement. I'll also aim to write the Ending to A2MT as well but right now, I need to go to sleep.

First Confrontation with Iris:
Prelude:
*Iris is at a firing range, throwing knives. Noticeably...she is wearing no hat.*
???: Your repeated request for the Seinfeld re-runs Blue-Ray DVD have now been fortuitously fulfilled.
Iris: Thanks, master. Place it on the table; I'll watch them later. And what about the keys to my new apartment complex?
???: They will be delivered shortly.

Battle Start:
*Demo is watching Iris still testing her knives*
Iris: --crash into the Mushroom Kingdom, help the Resistance, destroy the glue factory---
Demo: ...Hello?
Iris: What is it, oh Master? (turns) Oh, it's you. I thought the enemies would have stopped you by now.
Demo: They failed.
Iris: I see. Look, before we fight, can I please ask you to surrender?
Demo: No. Now--
Iris: No, listen. Please surrender. Before it's too late. Before you harm any more people. There's no way you'd win anyway against me, but you might do severe damage to The Artist and his creations. One of your siblings might even get hurt. For your own good, please surrender.
Demo: I do not want to de-exist. Now, prepare for battle!
???: HALT!
??? reveals himself to be the "guard" that Demo must fight.
???: Minion, you must not bother your valuable times with subjugating trivialities such as this violent vermin. I will not let your honor be blemished, nor would I allow a single scratch touch your skin.
Iris: Master, please, I can handle this...
???: No, minion, you cannot.
Iris: Fine, master. Just don't get hurt, okay?

"Guard" fights off against Demo. Demo wins.
Iris: Um...
Demo: Would you like to be next?
Iris: No. Consider this a victory by default.
Demo: What? Are you a coward?
Iris: No. Just sick.
*Iris leaves*
Second Confrontation of Iris:
*After all the Siblings are defeated, Demo arrives to Iris' own special level, the one where she's the final boss, and not the 'guard.*
Iris: You keep following me.
Demo: Yes.
Iris: Why?
Demo: You know where The Artist is. He's the one responsible for this mess. Tell me where he is, let me fight him, and I'll spare you.
Iris: ...spared? You destroyed my Master, and then now you claim to give me mercy? *pause* But that is irrelevant. I will not betray The Artist. I will not fail in the task he assigned me. He made you, he made me. Your time is up, now let me live.

*fight between Demo and Iris*

Iris: If I can't defeat you, if I cannot fight you in a match, if I do not possess a Master to call my own, then what right do I even have to replace you? None. *pause* But,..none of us will betray The Artist. None of us can...the bonds of loyalty are just too tight for us to break, even if we want to. This is his world, we only know our place in it.
Demo: But you all have failed to stop me. The only person who even could actually subdue me at this point is The Artist.
Iris: ...You're, you're right. Fine. Here is the coordinates to The Artist's ship. He's waiting for you. Battle him. Defeat him. Or get defeated by him. I don't care anymore.
*Demo begins to leave*

Iris: One thing though...

*Demo stops*

Iris: I never wanted to de-exist you in the first place, but I do want to exist. If...if you do defeat The Artist, can you...
Demo: Yes.
*Demo leaves*
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Paralars »

awesome.
Really good job.
I've added them to the collection, but have two little problems with it (see the red text in the compilation above), but generally I really like it, not too long, nice reference etc.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Servant »

Iris' Revisions
*Will support replacing "enemies" with "guards" or "mooks"
*Will support replacing Master with "Rida" (Leader in Japanese), to continue with Iris living the life of a bizarre-Demo. (attempts to find a Japanese word for Master gives me either Masuta (which isn't all that useful) or Goshujin-sama (which I believe has rather "unpleasent" connotations). If Masuta is different enough from Master, use Mastua.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Paralars »

man, Japanese can be easy at times...
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Moniker »

Moniker, the ninja re-writer swoops in for the kill!

Intro!
Text: Previously on A Super Mario Thing...

???: Get me some vegetables!
Demo: But we're under attack.
???: Now!

Text: 51 Space Days Later...

{Back to same room, only with the command center empty, as Demo is still stuck at "the nearest culinary emporium"}

???: Ha! The only good control center is an empty control center. I define evolution: the substition of archaic defenses with competent modern management. A platter of legumes will effect a fine replacement for this drab missile defense console! And wait till you see my plans for the tubers! They'll -
{explosions}

Text: Afterwards...
{Back to same room, only with the entire area trashed and destroyed, almost as if it was attacked a day before by a Fleet...}
*silence*
???: All of it... hopelessly spoiled. Only a master chef with adequate seasoning salts could-
*the sibilings appear*
???: You! Clean this up immediately! The legume area in particular-
Iris: Hand over the Demo! Or face certain unpleasantness!
???: Who's this Demo?
Iris: This station cannot withstand another bombardment. Both of you will be vaporized. Hand her over and -
???: I said, THE LEGUMES BELONG OVER-
*Demo teleports in*
Demo: Master? I know I'm late, and the vegetables are a tad overripe, but--Master?
???: These chaps say they need you for something.
Iris: I am glad that reason prevailed in this case.
*cut to a prison, where Iris stuff her in*
Iris: Soon, you will be erased from history. When The Artist returns home, he will fish you out of the timestream, and then...
Demo: Yawn.
Iris: Quiet! In the past, it was willed that you would exist for half of history. But that is past! And now your half will be my half. And my half is equal to at least three of your paltry halves.
Demo: ...
Iris: So long Demo. They're throwing me a party, did you know? Me! Green is the new blue.
*Iris leaves...forgetting to lock the prison door*
*Demo walks out of the prison*
Pandemona!
Pandamona START: Ahh, Demo. So neat. So organized. Don't you know that creativity thrives on chaos? I do. Because I'm creative. And you're not. Eat this, vegetable girl!
Defeated: So... creativity is born from limitations... Why not! Hahaha... No, I'm not crying! I just can't wait to tell him I've been doing it wrong my entire life!
Pily!
Pily START: Vital organs are no fun. Share them all with everyone! (Turns around.) Um, how long have you been standing there?
Defeat: I'm not crazy! Really! Please be my friend and come home with me!
Mishi!
Start of Battle: Zzzzz... uungh... huh...? Just five more minutes, I promise... WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?! Uuuungh, do I really have to fight you, couldn't we just flip for it? No? THEN WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE! (She makes you tired, making you move a bit slower than usual. Maybe make it so there's a little lag between button pushes and movements? She moves pretty slow, so she shouldn't be that much of a threat.)
Defeated: Don't make me tired. You won't like me when I'm...tired. Zzzz....
Garish!
Garish: Hey little chicken. Did you get lost in this big, scary spaceship? I know what you need.
Oh please don't look at me like that. Everything is going to be okay, honest! I seriously won't slime you.
Garish (after defeat): I do not understand. I WILL not understand. He gave us slime that we may slime. Please, Demo, none of my so-called sisters will slime me. Will you slime me... just this once?
Nevada!
What are you doing in my garden!? Hey, over here! The flower! Did you know that in some states, walking on the grass carries THE DEATH PENALTY?
Nevada (after defeat): All this time I tended my beautiful garden hoping he'd notice. But you know what, Demo? Real beauty is on the inside. I mean, look at us.
Science!
Science:
STRANGE_SUBJECT_APPEARED: (Searching...)
NEW_RESULTS_FOUND: (Demo, Lost 1 In Equation, Paradox)
START_SUBROUTINE: (Delete Demo, Add 1, Ignore Paradox,)
LOAD_EQUATION: (8+X=9, 9=HAPPINESS)
START_SAFETY_MODE.
SAVE_STATE_00_!

(after an easy defeat)
...
LOAD_STATE_00_!

(Real defeat)
ERROR: EQUATION_INCOMPLETE: (1 Not Found, HAPPINESS_FAILED)
SAVE_STATE_00_!
Oops.
Iris!
1.
Prelude:
*Iris is at a firing range, throwing knives. Noticeably...she is wearing no hat.*
???: Your repeated request for the Seinfeld re-runs Blue-Ray DVD have now been fortuitously fulfilled.
Iris: Thanks, Mister. Now, throw it away and get me a fresh copy. And what about the keys to my new waterfront condo?
???: Oooh! I think I hear a jingle-jangle!

Battle Start:
*Demo is watching Iris still testing her knives*
Iris: --crash into the Mushroom Kingdom, kill some Yoshis, eat a dead parrot---
Demo: Ahem.
Iris: What is it, oh Mister? (turns) Oh, it's you. Look, before we fight, can I please ask you to surrender?
Demo: No. Now--
Iris: No, really. Please surrender. Before it's too late. Before you harm any more people, you murderous psychopath. Die and let live already.
Demo: No! I will not go quietly into the night! Today-
???: HALT!
??? reveals himself to be the "guard" that Demo must fight.
Mister: Minion, you must not bother your valuable times with subjugating trivialities such as this violent vermin. I will not let your honor be blemished, nor will I allow a single scratch on your beautifully dithered skin.
Iris: Mister, please, I can handle this...
Mister: No, minion, return to your jingle-jangle. This one's mine.

"Guard" fights off against Demo. Demo wins.
Iris: Um... Consider this a victory by default.
Demo: Who was that, anyway? Did you really just make some guy pretend to be your Master?
Iris: Ha! No. Really, why would I need that kind of... sigh.
*Iris leaves*

2.
*After all the Siblings are defeated, Demo arrives to Iris' own special level, the one where she's the final boss, and not the 'guard.*
Iris: Ugh get a life already... sister.
Demo: Talk.
Iris: Did you hear me? I just told you that we're sisters! Doesn't that blow your -
Demo: Yeah, yeah I get it already. You know where The Artist is. He's the one responsible for this mess. Tell me where he is, let me fight him, and I'll spare you... and your "toys."
Iris: ...spared? You destroyed my Mister! *pause* But that is irrelevant. I will not betray The Artist. I will not fail in the task he assigned me. He made you, he made me. Your half is up. Now for my better half!

*fight between Demo and Iris*

Iris: If I can't defeat you, if I have no Mister to call my own, then what right do I have to replace you? *pause* Irrelevent! None will betray The Artist. None of us can...the bonds of loyalty are, well, binding. This is his world.
Demo: But you all have already failed. The only person who even could actually stands a chance is The Artist.
Iris: Well, alright then. Here are the coordinates to The Artist's ship. He's waiting for you, although I obviously have no way of knowing that.
*Demo begins to leave*

Iris: One thing though...

*Demo stops*

Iris: I never wanted to de-exist you in the first place, but I do want to exist. If...if you do defeat The Artist, can you...
Demo: No promises.
Iris: Good enough for me, sis!
*Demo leaves*
Artist!
The Artist: Oh, OH! It's you Demo! Hello dear, you are a bit late, you know? I guess your siblings are still looking for you, poor things! At least you are safe!

Demo: Look, it's getting late and Master is waiting.So, can we get to the part where I, uh, kill you?

The Artist: Oh, i remember Kevin! He has a nice ship, very colorful. And i hate him so! Haha AH, and is he following that vegetable diet i gave him? He needs the fiber.

Demo: Yep, but sometimes it's more problematic for me than for him...

The Artist: Is he mistreating my poor Demo?
Don't worry, after i break you into paint and rebuild a better Demo, we'll all be a happy family again.
Ending!
Kevin: Gee, well I'm glad all that's over.
Demo: You can say that again... Master Kevin.
Kevin: Haha! What was all that about anyway?
Demo: Well-
Kevin: This place could sure use some cleaning!
Demo: *giggle*
Kevin: No, seriously. The entire cleaning staff was vaporized. Go fetch a mop.
(Demo reappears... as Iris)
Kevin: Weren't you wearing blue just now?
Iris: Oh, Master! Here, have a nice ripe carrot... *disquieting giggle*

Fin.
So I know I haven't been involved with the project since back when it first started, so I'm probably stepping on some toes. Ignore if you want, use parts if you want, use all if you want. It was fun to do in any case.

I removed mid-boss messages (no one wants a cutscene/popup during a battle), trimmed the text in general, and made attempts at humor. I added in dialogue for Mishi and a light ending. I strongly suggest throwing down a mid-point right after the first cutscene of each boss fight.

Cheers and good luck!
Nothing's easy.

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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Servant »

Yeah, you're probably stepping on some toes, and I think I cringed at the Iris intro (because it misses the point of the reference, though I wonder if that reference is pretty obscure)...but eh, more write-ups are probably better for whoever eventually has to compile it. [I haven't read all of it, by the way, so I'm not able to comment sensibly on anything other than that.]

I'll be writing an Ending soon, by the way, it's just going to take some time for me to deal with other issues first.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Moniker »

Servant wrote:Yeah, you're probably stepping on some toes, and I think I cringed at the Iris intro (because it misses the point of the reference, though I wonder if that reference is pretty obscure)
It was referencing What the Hell, right? I admit I didn't really understand the Iris's master thing, so I rewrote it in a way that could be clashing with something established elsewhere.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Servant »

Referencing both What the Hell? and What the Hell? 2 actually. The latter was left incomplete (and abandoned) by raocow though.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by raocow »

I have to say, I really like how Moniker writes. The 'enhanced' english matches so well with how everything that happens is so stupid.
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Paralars
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Paralars »

raocow wrote:I have to say, I really like how Moniker writes. The 'enhanced' english matches so well with how everything that happens is so stupid.
Demo's story in a nutshell
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Servant »

I must admit that I don't think I can read Moniker's work effectively because every time I do so, I close it quickly. I don't feel like I'm an independent arbitrator because most of the stuff I wrote was stuff I wrote. I did manage to barrel through Intro! and Iris! at least, so I'll hope I'll use that as a guideline for the rest of your work.
It's good that you got rid of the extraneous text but...I'm concerned that the attempts at humor seem to be distracting from the rest of the plot, and might even interfere with people understanding how the plot is. It almost as if you're trying to put some humor on there for the sake of having humor (and that might fall flat...or at least it fall flat for me), though I can understand why you did that.

However, I loved Iris' response after you defeated the "guard"; it was far more interesting than what I written, and more blatantly revealed why Iris made this "guard" in the first place. You also provided an explanation for why Iris had the party in the first place, which is something I neglected.

I think I'll need to revisit what I written, and try to combine what I wrote with what you wrote, because I really like some of the stuff you written (and so does raocow and Paralars), and there's probably gems in the other parts of the work as well. Maybe. Whatever.
Ending
Artist's Death Taken From MoneyMan:

Artist: ...What have I done...
...I let my longing for the perfect creation cloud my judgement...
...How could I be so selfish?
...Demo, my daughter, I am so, so sorry to have put you through all of this. Through everything you had to go through. I am honestly, truly sorry.
Demo: But... but you're not really my dad! You just created me so you could have perfection!
Artist: ...Yes. Yes I did. I don't have the right to be called your father. But... but now I realize how foolish I was, to put my desires ahead of caring for my creations.
Now I see... All along... I shouldn't have neglected you, or your siblings.
Please... Please forgive me. Before I go...
Demo: ...I forgive you, my father.
Artist: Ahhhh... Thank you, Demo. *sniff* Thank you so much, for letting me realize my error. *dies*

*Demo walks outside of wherever The Artist is to see her siblings, including Iris*

Demo: The Artist's dead so the "bonds of loyalty" has now been broken. You're free now. Go.
Siblings: *silent*
Demo: You're FREE now. GO.
Siblings: *silent*
Mishi: ...we...can't.
Iris: We were made to serve. That is our purpose. Without someone to follow, we're cast astray.
Demo: Are you so lazy that you need someone to tell you what to do?
Iris: Why do you follow a Master?
Demo: Fine, you serve me now. And my first order is for you to LEAVE. When I get back to my Master's ship, this entire freak show is going to blow, so start running.
*everyone starts to leave*
Demo: ...except for you, Iris.

*everyone leaves except Iris*

Demo: You were The Artist's Second-in-Command. You kidnapped me and forced me here in the first place. And you aren't even supposed to exist. What do you have to say for yourself?
Iris: You would have done the same if you were in my position.
Demo: That's a pretty poor speech.
Iris: Honesty is not the best policy.
Demo: But I'll let you live today. Do one favor for me, and then you're forgiven.
Iris: And that favor is?
Demo: The Master is hungry, and he's interested in the finest victuals around. Luckily, I know the coordinates to the nearest culinary emporium...
Iris: I don't like where this is going.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by kilon »

Just popping in to say Moniker once again did an amazing job. But I think he and Servant should start working together a bit (not just rewriting what the other did) to get the maximum effect.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Paralars »

Well, Servant had some awesome ideas and moniker did a great job on "cutting the fat"
The two versions are very similar and I think they are both pretty funny.
Moniker's versions are sometimes a bit too short, Servant's tend to be too... dramatic?

I think the Iris one, the ending, the intro, the Artist one, the pandamona one and the pily one are as good as finished in moniker's versions, maybe a little fine tuning if someone has a problem with something.

The rest is debatable.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by limepie20 »

I thought the Science one was pretty good. I haven't read Servant's so I don't know how the two compare but I liked Moniker's.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Paralars »

They're almost the same, basically.
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Moniker »

Yeah, I only made very minor changes to Science and The Artist.
kilon wrote:Just popping in to say Moniker once again did an amazing job. But I think he and Servant should start working together a bit (not just rewriting what the other did) to get the maximum effect.
I'm up for some collabing. The bits that I think need work are Pandemona (I like the defeat dialogue, but not really happy with the start - had trouble coming up with anything at all), Mishi's defeat, Garish's defeat (could probably use something better than cheap innuendo - I didn't understand your original, Servant, was that from a song?), and definitely something between The Artist and The Ending. I like my sitcom wrap-up ending w/ Master Kevin, but it def needs some more Artist action to tie loose ends and be more climactic.

Taking another look, I think I prefer Servant's Nevada to mine, although the ending, while incredibly pretty, is a bit too serious for my tastes. Maybe take the garden analogy a little further?

So Servant, if you want, send me a PM with what you want to happen with the script, and we can hash it out. Or just post it here. Again, sorry for stepping on toes. I still feel bad for doing almost exactly the same thing to Kilon with ASMT. =)

Edit: Is the Cotopaxi bird still going to be in the game?
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Paralars »

the cotopaxi bird is running a store that sells various overworld paths to special levels in exchange for gold dubloons (dragon coins)
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Re: A2MT Plot thread - UPDATE 02/06/2010

Post by Ometeotl »

Or he trades for what he thinks are gold doubloons, but he's too drunk to realize they're just the useless plastic parrot tokens he forgot he dropped everywhere one day.
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